Dear Expectant Me,
Before diving headfirst into your Amazon baby registry, let’s take a moment to chat about the realities of new motherhood. There are some crucial insights I wish someone had shared with me before embarking on this journey for the first time.
I know you’re busy preparing for your little one. You’ve designed a beautiful nursery, meticulously selected a layette, and researched breast pump models. You’ve subscribed to consumer reports to evaluate car seats, swings, and pack ‘n plays. You’ve even chosen educational toys and brain-boosting videos to stimulate your baby’s mind. And let’s not forget the birth plan tucked away in your hospital bag, outlining your desires for an epidural, rooming in with your baby, and initiating breastfeeding right away. You’ve covered all the details for your baby’s arrival.
But here’s the kicker: you haven’t made a plan for yourself.
Once that baby enters the world, you may unwittingly begin to neglect your own needs. You may find yourself caught in a whirlwind of caring for your newborn while sidelining your own self-care. Days may pass without a shower, and you might convince yourself that cleaning spit-up off your yoga pants with a burp cloth suffices for personal hygiene. You’ll probably shave only once a month, and even then, only from the knees down.
Soon, your home will resemble a chaotic play zone, overflowing with swaddling blankets, pacifiers, and diapers. It’ll be impossible to sit down without activating a toy, and you may even fall asleep to the sound of a singing giraffe in the dark. The aroma of baby poop and sour milk will fill your space, while your car will become a treasure trove of puffs and Cheerios. Friends may start labeling you as “quirky” as you find yourself singing random lullabies during their visits.
Eventually, this initial flirtation with self-neglect will morph into a full-blown relationship. You won’t even realize when it started, but one day you’ll wake up and hardly recognize yourself. This persistent feeling of neglect will skew your perspective, whispering guilt into your ear whenever you try to prioritize your own needs. You’ll start to see basic self-care—like eating and showering—as indulgences rather than essentials.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
A little indulgence is fine, but don’t let self-neglect become a permanent roommate in your life! I urge you, my lovely younger self, to prioritize self-care. If you let neglect take the wheel, regaining control will be a long, hard battle. Even when your children grow up, you may feel guilty about treating yourself to a nice meal or a day at the spa.
Here’s a mini-plan to help you cultivate a healthier approach to motherhood while still caring for yourself:
- Take a Minute for Yourself Each Afternoon: Assess your state. Are you feeling dirty, hungry, or lonely? If Mr. Neglect is lurking, take a step to kick him out. If a full shower feels daunting, wash your face, brush your teeth, or change your shirt. Your baby will be just fine while you take a moment for yourself. Grab a snack, make a quick phone call, or send a text. Remember, you wouldn’t accept this neglect in any other phase of your life, so why tolerate it now?
- Evening Self-Check: Spend a minute each evening checking in with your body. Are you feeling anxious or sore? That’s a sign that neglect is creeping back in. Step outside for some fresh air, stretch your body, or enjoy some music. If time allows, treat yourself to a nice hot bubble bath.
- Navigating Friendships: You may find that some friendships fade as you grapple with self-neglect. It’s perfectly fine to set boundaries, giving you the space to explore your relationship with self-care. Just remember to keep it light and not let neglect take over.
- Handling Family Dynamics: Establishing boundaries might ruffle some feathers—particularly with your in-laws. Let your partner handle any pushback.
- Alone Time is Essential: It’s completely acceptable to leave your baby with a trusted caregiver and take time for yourself. Whether it’s sipping a latte at Starbucks or browsing through Target, give yourself permission to recharge.
- Intimacy Matters: Make a pact with your partner to prioritize your pleasure, ensuring you have an orgasm first before any penetration. This will not only enhance your intimacy but also send self-neglect packing.
- Indulge Occasionally: Allow yourself moments of true indulgence, but don’t let them become a crutch. It’s okay to enjoy an entire bag of chips after a long day or savor a cocktail after a particularly tough night. Just be mindful of the balance between indulgence and self-care.
Take this advice to heart, because the future you will thank you. Prioritize your needs—after all, a happy, healthy mom is better for everyone in the family.
For more insights into motherhood, consider checking out this excellent resource on pregnancy. And for those looking to enhance their journey to motherhood, this guide on boosting fertility is invaluable. Also, if you’re interested in related topics, this post on our other blog offers great information.
In summary, new motherhood is a beautiful yet challenging experience. Embrace self-care and prioritize your well-being to navigate this journey with grace.