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The Dilemma of Naming Our Preterm Babies
As I rested in the ICU, recovering from a harrowing experience, a nurse from the NICU stepped in with a warm smile and asked, “Have you decided on names for your little ones?” My triplets were already two days old, but until that moment, they had been referred to as “Baby A,” “Baby B,” and “Baby C.” Born over 17 weeks early, my husband and I hadn’t settled on names. How could we name our “Baby A,” who had tragically passed away? It was a challenge we never anticipated.
Many parents wait to name their newborns until they can see their faces, which makes sense—this name will be their identity for life. However, our situation was different. My husband and I hadn’t even discussed potential names beyond joking about needing six—three first names and three middle ones.
The reality was, we were terrified. After nearly losing our triplets at 18 weeks, we were holding our breath. Instead of preparing a nursery or choosing adorable bedding, we were just counting the days until our babies would be deemed viable by medical standards. This milestone came at 22 weeks and 6 days, and despite the odds, our doctors delivered all three babies alive. Sadly, our firstborn, Lily, passed away just two hours after birth, leaving us in a state of shock and grief. Naming our children felt like the last thing we could think about in that moment.
By the third day, the NICU nurses had grown fond of our tiny 1-pound miracles, giving them nicknames starting with the letter “H.” That’s when I realized we couldn’t postpone naming them any longer. I had only briefly met my babies when I was finally wheeled into the NICU, but deep down, I knew it was time to give them their names. Despite being tethered to machines and wires in my ICU bed, my husband and I started to brainstorm. I pulled up a list of names I’d compiled over the years on my phone. Jamie and Taylor were my favorites, and thankfully, my husband was on board. That part was easy—Jamie and Taylor were thriving.
Meanwhile, in the hospital morgue, our serene angel was still known as “Baby A.” Admittedly, I hesitated to choose her name. What if none of our children survived? What if I wasted a name on a child I’d held only for a few hours, with her eyes still sealed shut? It’s hard to reflect on these feelings almost three years later, but at that time, I didn’t grasp the significance of a name. We always thought Lily had a beautiful sound to it. Ultimately, we followed our instincts, and I’m grateful we did.
Here’s what I didn’t realize back then: it’s not the name that holds the weight, but the individual it represents. Your name signifies your identity, but it’s how you live with that name that ultimately shapes your legacy. When we chose names for our children, there was no deep reasoning involved. We didn’t name them after relatives or assign symbolic meanings; they were simply names we adored. After Lily’s passing, followed by Taylor’s two months later, I was uncertain when I would hear their names again. Many people find it uncomfortable to discuss death, especially that of a child. I didn’t expect to hear their names from anyone other than family and close friends.
Looking back, I never anticipated the journey ahead. I hear all three of my children’s names every single day. Sometimes it’s me mentioning them; sometimes it’s a friend or supporter referencing them in conversation. But it’s the sound of my surviving triplet, Jamie, softly saying Lily and Taylor’s names that resonates with me the most. All the fear of my angels being forgotten has vanished. Lily and Taylor were here for only a brief time, but their legacy will endure. My beloved daughter, Jamie, embodies all three of them—a remarkable young girl already making waves around the globe.
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Summary:
The author reflects on the emotional journey of naming her premature triplets, focusing on the challenges of choosing names in the face of loss. After nearly losing their babies and experiencing the heart-wrenching death of one, she learns that a name represents a lifetime of identity and legacy. The story highlights the significance of memory and the connection to her surviving child.