What No One Tells You About Marriage

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Let’s get straight to the point, shall we? You were warned that marriage would evolve, that tough times lay ahead, but no one prepared you for the reality you’re facing. You might be feeling drained and a bit lonely, perhaps even a little overlooked lately. Maybe you had an argument last night, and the night before, and the night before that. It’s possible you’re grappling with some PMS-induced frustration over the dishes that just won’t find their way into the dishwasher. Seriously, is it too much to ask to change the toilet paper roll? Perhaps you’re navigating a rough patch, bickering over leaving the fridge door ajar or forgetting to replace that burnt-out lightbulb in the bathroom. Or maybe you’re contending with some truly brutal situations.

Whatever the case may be, your marriage feels weighty right now, and you may find yourself humming Coldplay lyrics on repeat. Nobody said it would be a walk in the park, but dammit, no one mentioned it would be this exasperating either.

Everywhere you turn, you see those blissful couples. You come across those picture-perfect family snapshots on social media and think to yourself, I bet they never argue about which cereal to buy. You observe other parents and wonder if they were up until 2 a.m. squabbling over whose turn it was to tend to the baby. You see adorable couples at the park pushing their kids in swings and doubt they’ve ever experienced the low-grade misery you’re currently enduring.

Rest assured, they have. We’ve all been there. Sure, our “hard times” are unique—every marriage has its distinct challenges—but I promise you, we’ve all navigated our own tumultuous stretches on the journey to marital happiness.

Here’s the truth that no one shares:

Marriage is tough. It will have its moments of struggle. And do you know what else they don’t mention? It’s perfectly normal for marriage to be difficult at times. You will get through this. Your marriage will endure.

Here are a few more truths that no one writes in your bridal shower book filled with cliché advice:

• There will be arguments. You’ll argue over significant issues, minor details, and things that don’t even seem worth the energy. You’ll debate whether to shop at one store or another, whether your child needs a haircut, or if Aunt Linda is just clueless or genuinely problematic. You’ll have late-night discussions about signing your daughter up for dance or soccer. Expect knock-down, drag-out fights about whether the toilet seat should be left up or down and silent treatments that last for days after suggesting your mother might be a touch “needy.”
• There will be anger. You may be surprised by the intensity of the rage that bubbles up when you see his socks strewn across the floor or hear her obnoxiously loud chewing. You might fantasize about smothering him with a pillow when he snores peacefully while you get up in the middle of the night—again!—to tend to the baby or soothe the toddler after a nightmare. You could feel your sanity slip when she runs out of gas for the umpteenth time, forcing you to cut a meeting short to drive an hour round-trip to rescue her.
• And yes, there will be score-keeping. You’ll track who got less sleep and who worked longer hours. You’ll keep tabs on who changed the last diaper and who’s been in charge of the remote control. You’ll measure who spends more time driving the kids to practices and who’s laboring in a job that barely pays the bills. You’ll keep count of the socks left on the floor, dirty dishes piling up, and toilet paper rolls that remain unchanged.

There will be challenging times—real ones, not the romanticized versions you envisioned before kids, where brief arguments lead to passionate make-up sessions. No, marriage can be downright tough.

But here’s something else you might not have heard: It’s okay that marriage is hard. Because despite the fights, the anger, and the tough patches, marriage can be incredibly rewarding. In reality, some of life’s most beautiful experiences—marriage and parenting included—require real effort. Marriage isn’t filled with heart-shaped rainbows and diamonds; it isn’t about idyllic parks or cheesy social media posts with hashtags like “soul mates” or “#blessed.”

Marriage is about hard work, and yes, there will be difficult moments. When you share your life with someone—raising a family, building careers, paying bills, and bickering over Netflix shows—it’s inevitable to get caught up in the chaos now and then.

But you will overcome it. You’ll remember that you’re on the same side. You’ll argue, and then you’ll forgive each other. You’ll find common ground. You might even seek counseling if needed. You’ll take a deep breath, share a laugh over the absurdity, and remind yourselves why you chose each other in the first place.

So don’t despair; you are not alone. Marriage can be challenging for everyone at times. Making it through those tough stretches might even strengthen your bond. Because while marriage has its rough days, it also means having someone who’ll hold an umbrella for you when life gets messy.

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In summary, marriage is a journey filled with ups and downs. It’s filled with the realities of conflict, anger, and challenges, but it’s also about teamwork, love, and shared experiences. Know that you’re not alone in this struggle, and there’s a bright side to the hard work you’re putting in.