When I reminisce about my 15-year-old’s early days, I picture her as the most charmingly clever little cherub. Sure, she wasn’t the best sleeper, but overall, she was a pretty easygoing baby. As a toddler, I could plunk her down with a pile of board books, and she’d flip through them one by one. When people inquire about her early years, I always describe her as sweet, compliant, and calm.
But, it turns out, that’s not the whole story.
While sifting through a journal I kept during her baby years (oh, the perks of being the firstborn!), I stumbled upon this line: “This kid is the most strong-willed child I’ve ever met.” Well, color me surprised. Perhaps my little angel had a mischievous side lurking just beneath the surface.
As I read on, I realized my memories of those early years were a bit hazy. Sure, my daughter could be sweet and easygoing, but she also could throw tantrums, be a far worse sleeper than I recall, and outright refuse to cooperate. Suddenly, vivid memories rushed back—her wriggling during diaper changes, the month she screeched for no reason in public, and those bleary-eyed, sleep-deprived days when I questioned if I could survive on two hours of sleep at a time. Those not-so-fond details had slipped my mind. I had clearly developed what I like to call “momnesia”—a selective memory that makes it hard to recall the nitty-gritty of parenting.
We all know that motherhood takes a toll on our brains. Over time, the brain cells that should be storing long-term memories are repurposed for answering a 4-year-old’s 627th question of the day, trying to banish the Wild Kratts theme song from our minds, or contemplating how to fund our kids’ extracurriculars. So, naturally, we forget a lot—both short-term and long-term.
Momnesia seems to worsen with each additional child. The chaotic days filled with newborn fussiness and toddler meltdowns blend together into a vague haze of “Oh yes, those early years were challenging.” The only reason I remember as much as I do is that I diligently wrote everything down. Without those notes, I’d probably still insist my first child was a perfect little angel.
This skepticism extends to the claims of older parents who assert their children never did X, Y, or Z. “My children never threw tantrums. They never came into our room at night. They never begged for toys in the store. They never whined.”
Come on, really? While there may be rare exceptions, the vast majority of us can’t fully trust the memories of moms with older kids. Some will deny it, but I’m standing firm on this.
Just as women often forget the most painful moments of childbirth, most moms tend to overlook the minor annoyances of early parenthood. We view those years through sentimental lenses, convinced we remember the hard moments, but in reality, we don’t recall them in vivid detail—certainly not like the mom who’s currently navigating that chaotic phase of nursing, diapering, and toddler tantrums.
So, dear new moms, take our words with a grain of salt. We might have some wisdom to share, and older moms can often provide valuable support. But if we start claiming our kids never displayed certain behaviors or that they were always perfect, don’t panic thinking your child is the odd one out. Just nod, smile, and remember we’re likely suffering from a case of momnesia—because we probably won’t admit it ourselves.
For more insights on the journey of motherhood, check out this post on home insemination. And if you’re curious about pregnancy and home insemination, this is an excellent resource.
Summary:
In this humorous reflection, the author discusses the phenomenon of “momnesia,” where mothers of older children forget the challenging details of early motherhood. Through personal anecdotes, the piece highlights how selective memory can alter perceptions of parenting experiences and encourages new moms to take advice from seasoned parents with a grain of salt.