Back in fourth grade, my husband was the epitome of style. Think Miami Vice vibes—pink shirts paired with white sport coats, perfectly pressed sweaters, and those iconic Girbaud jeans. Every morning, he spent time perfecting his hair and (probably) practicing his Don Johnson swagger. He was the life of the playground, hanging out with girls, singing in a boys’ choir, and fully embracing his confident little self. Life was good for him at that tender age of ten.
But not everyone appreciated his flair. A few boys in his class saw a target in the overly confident kid who dared to wear pink and enjoy girl company. They often tried to bring him down a peg or two with taunts and shoves on the playground. Yet, he brushed it off effortlessly. When they commented, “Nice shirt,” he’d simply respond, “Thanks! I like it too,” and waltz back over to his friends. His confidence could not be shaken.
Fast forward thirty years, and I find myself parenting a 9-year-old son who, much like my husband, has a penchant for pink, enjoys the company of girls, and loves music. Unfortunately, he’s also significantly more sensitive than his father ever was.
His first encounter with bullying came from an unexpected source—a mom. When he was around three or four, he donned a Tinker Bell costume while playing with two little girls at the babysitter’s house. They were having a blast until the girls’ mother showed up and exclaimed loudly, “Why is that boy in a dress?” The babysitter, a gem, replied, “He seems to be having a great time!” But the mom continued, scooping up her daughters as if they might catch something, “What are his parents going to do about that?” The babysitter’s response? “Embrace it, I’m sure.” Best babysitter award goes to her!
Until that moment, our son didn’t realize that wearing a dress could be perceived as odd. After hearing the mom’s comments, he asked me about it later. I felt furious but tried to reassure him. Thankfully, he continued to twirl and channel Tinker Bell for a while longer.
Since then, he’s faced bullying for not conforming to social norms. He’s been teased for talking like a “nerd,” made fun of for playing with girls, and even ridiculed for wearing a pink shirt. He’s not one to stand up for himself, so we’ve worked on strategies and scripts. He knows how to say “Stop” assertively and has learned that he can report incidents to a teacher when needed. Mostly, he’s figured out how to steer clear of kids who drain his self-confidence or individuality.
Fortunately, he’s mostly been accepted and cherished for who he is. His best friend is a girl, and we live in a community that generally supports his choices. Still, I worry that the opinions of others have started to influence him. He no longer wears pink—opting instead for shades of gray, blue, and black. Ironically, he channels his creativity by designing sparkly dresses on paper dolls at home.
As parents, we must prepare our children to enter the world with the understanding that it’s never okay to diminish another child’s spirit. It’s essential not only to empower our kids to be themselves but also to instill in them the importance of respecting others’ choices.
My son’s first bully was a parent, and that’s a powerful reminder. Our children are always watching and listening to us. We have the ability to model acceptance and kindness.
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In summary, our children’s experiences shape who they are. Helping them navigate the ups and downs of peer interactions is vital. Encouraging individuality while teaching respect for others can help foster a more accepting world.