Keeping the Spark Alive After Becoming Parents

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As I glanced over at the side of the bed, it hit me—we weren’t alone. I quickly withdrew my feet from his shoulders, dove under the covers, and died a little inside.

Finding the right moments for intimacy becomes one of the trickiest parts of parenting. The days of waiting for the perfect mood to strike are long gone. When the opportunity arises, you seize it, no questions asked!

I’m convinced that children have an innate ability to sense when something exciting is happening that doesn’t involve them—be it candy, important calls, or even intimate moments. They always seem to know when to knock on the door at the most inconvenient times. It’s a talent they possess without even realizing it.

This situation can be tough and can strain your relationship, but fear not! Here’s a handy list of tips to keep your bond strong amidst the chaos of parenthood:

1. Lower Your Expectations. Seriously, I can’t stress this enough. My Grandma, who’s been married for over 50 years, swears that low expectations are the secret to a happy relationship, and she’s spot on. After a long day of catering to tiny humans, the idea of elaborate romantic evenings is often out the window. Embrace the new normal: whispers, muffled giggles, and covers galore. If you both manage to get your underwear off, that’s an A+. And let’s be real, finding joy in unexpected acts of kindness, like him vacuuming without being asked, can be surprisingly hot!
2. Location, Location, Location. For years, we co-slept with our kids, making nighttime privacy a luxury. You quickly learn to think outside the box. Utilize the kids’ beds—they’re not using them anyway! A pile of clean laundry on the floor? Perfect! Just remember, bathroom doors lock, and most closets do too. Go “parking” in the garage if you have to. Those wireless baby monitors weren’t just made for show; they’re for making more babies—or at least for practice runs!
3. Learn to Multitask. Focusing solely on your intimate escapades can lead to chaos. This is why developing the skill to multitask is essential. Always have your ears perked for cries and keep an eye on the door for any stealthy little ninjas. With co-sleeping, you’ll need to be an expert at balancing intimacy with keeping an eye on the kids. Just a word of caution: sometimes, multitasking can lead to unexpected surprises, like adding another little one to the family.
4. Date Your Mate. Keep the flirtation alive! Sneak away to the laundry room for a moment, or give a playful smack as you walk by. Let your partner know what’s working for you. Subtle hints may get lost in the chaos, so be straightforward. If you’re lucky enough to find a babysitter who can take the kids elsewhere, seize that chance. Even a quick outing can recharge your relationship.
5. Switch It Up. Over time, intimacy can become monotonous, especially after kids. It’s easy to fall into a routine that loses its spark. Find ways to keep it fresh! Our son sleeps in a portable crib in our walk-in closet to help us reclaim our space. If the kids are happily occupied with their 20th viewing of Frozen, then go for it! And if spontaneity isn’t your thing, consider scheduling some intimate time. You might be surprised how exciting anticipation can be.
6. Lie to Your Kids. “No, sweetie, Daddy is just giving Mommy a tickle! Go back to bed.” “Nothing, we’re just doing our taxes!” Sometimes, a little creativity in your responses can keep the peace while you enjoy some adult time.
7. The CTFO Method. Seriously, chill out! Stressing over intimacy is unnecessary. Parenthood changed your life, and you must adapt. Be spontaneous and embrace the chaos. It’s okay to let the baby cry for a few minutes—cartoons aren’t the enemy! Just make it work. If today isn’t your day, try again tomorrow or even in the wee hours of the night. Lower those expectations and, like Nike says, just do it.

If you found this article helpful, check out our other post on the importance of privacy during parenting here. For more insights on artificial insemination, visit Make a Mom. For a deeper understanding of pregnancy and home insemination, the CDC offers fantastic resources.

Summary: Navigating intimacy as parents can be challenging, but it’s not impossible. Lower expectations, get creative with locations, multitask wisely, keep dating each other, and don’t shy away from a little white lie when needed. Embrace spontaneity or schedule intimacy to keep the flame alive. Remember, it’s all about adapting and making it work.