So, your child has gathered the courage to sit you down and share that they identify as something other than heterosexual or cisgender. Maybe you had a hunch your son was gay, or perhaps your daughter always seemed a bit more like your son, but it didn’t really hit home until that moment in your living room, staring into the eyes of your anxious kid. This is a pivotal moment not just for them, but for your relationship as well, and it comes with a whirlwind of emotions—fear, excitement, and a whole lot of worry.
Having been through this myself, I hope these insights help you navigate this crucial time with your child. Every kid, regardless of their sexuality, craves acceptance and validation from their parents.
First, let’s clarify some terms. LGBTQ+ stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, intersex, and asexual. And yes, the “A” does not stand for ally—it’s about those who identify as asexual. This acronym also encompasses a variety of gender identities like agender, bigender, and genderfluid.
Now, onto some serious statistics: over 20% of homeless youth identify as LGBTQ+, often as a result of rejection or abuse from families. If my advice can mend even one fractured relationship between an LGBTQ+ youth and their parents, then I feel I’ve made a difference. So please, be kind as I share these thoughts—I just turned 17!
Since there are many gender pronouns out there, I’ll be switching it up between he and she to keep things fresh.
1. Stay Calm.
This one’s a no-brainer. Your child has likely spent ages worrying about how to tell you. They’re sharing a deeply personal truth, and it’s vital for you to accept them as they are. If you can’t embrace their identity, then your love was conditional. It’s okay to need time to process, just make sure you do it respectfully. No berating or belittling allowed!
2. Respect Their Pace.
Don’t pry for details. I accidentally outed myself to my parents, and even though they’re incredibly supportive, I still felt anxious about their reaction. Once they found out, they wanted all the details right away, but thankfully, they let me share my thoughts in my own time. Remember, your child remains the same person, regardless of their identity.
3. Don’t Force Labels.
I often hear, “Oh, I knew my child was gay since they were five.” While you might think you’re easing their burden, you could be wrong. Your child is the only one who gets to define their identity. Avoid placing labels on them before they’re ready.
4. Encourage Exploration.
If your daughter wants to rock a pixie cut and wear a suit to prom, let her! If your son feels like donning a skirt or dyeing his hair, support that. Self-expression is crucial, and your acceptance shows that you value who they are beyond their appearance. Remember, clothes are just that—clothes. They don’t define gender.
5. No Teasing Allowed.
Jokes about your child’s identity, even if intended as humor, can be deeply hurtful. I’ve witnessed others make thoughtless remarks that perpetuated negative stereotypes, and it stings. If you catch friends or family making jokes, please step in and let them know it’s not okay.
6. Use Their Correct Pronouns!
This one’s a biggie, so listen up: respect your child’s chosen pronouns, as they reflect their true identity. Misgendering someone can be incredibly damaging. If your son tells you he identifies as female and wishes to be called she, honor that. Remember, the suicide rate among transgender youth is alarmingly high, and using the correct pronouns can make a real difference.
Navigating this journey isn’t easy for anyone, especially if you’re in a conservative area. But if you embrace these tips with an open heart, I assure you that not only will your home become a more loving space, but you’ll also contribute to making the world a kinder place.
For further guidance, check out this excellent resource on intrauterine insemination and if you’re interested in the ins and outs of home insemination, consider this guide. For more insights on navigating relationships and acceptance, visit this blog post.
Summary
This article gives parents advice on how to support their children when they come out as LGBTQ+. It emphasizes the importance of acceptance, understanding, and respect for their child’s identity, while also offering practical tips for fostering a positive relationship during this pivotal moment.