Reddit user JimmyBubbles recently shared an email from his wife that contained his ridiculously detailed instructions for their infant’s babysitter—a perfect window into the mind of a slightly neurotic first-time dad.
Bottles and Crying Babies
First up: bottles and handling a crying baby. The part about recognizing poop by its unique aroma is pure gold, but it’s hard to ignore that he specifies the exact timing for warming up a bottle in “your” microwave—indicating he probably did a test run at the babysitter’s place just to ensure the milk was perfectly tepid.
Diaper Duty
Equally amusing is the caution to carefully open a possibly poopy diaper. The smell alone is usually enough to warn anyone to tread lightly, but just in case, he provided a guide on how to check the diaper first, a rather clever move.
Engaging with the Baby
Next comes the guidance on engaging with a baby. It’s unclear whether the babysitter was a family member or a hired pro, but can you imagine the job listing? “Ideal candidate must be CPR certified for infants and able to nail a cover of Ed Sheeran’s ‘Photograph.’”
Pacifiers and Swaddles
Then there’s the section on pacifiers and the precise number of knee bounces that are acceptable. One of the funniest parts is that he asserts swaddles are “stupid-proof,” yet proceeds to give a detailed tutorial on how to put one on. And you can picture this dad nervously checking his watch to ensure the baby isn’t bounced more than three times in a second!
As a mom who once filled two pages of notes front and back for my own first babysitter, I can totally empathize with this dad. Parenting isn’t instinctual for everyone, and what seems like common sense to seasoned parents can be daunting for those just starting out. While it’s often assumed that moms are the overly anxious ones, it’s refreshing to see a dad who feels the same way.
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In summary, leaving a new babysitter with an overwhelming amount of instructions can lead to some pretty hilarious moments. It’s a reminder that parenting is a journey filled with learning curves, and sometimes a little humor is what we all need to get through it.