I Apologize, Friends, But Pool Days Are a Nightmare

home insemination Kit

Taking my kids to the pool? I absolutely dread it. I mean, I REALLY dread it. I know this might make me sound like a terrible mom, especially when everyone raves about summer fun filled with flip-flops, chlorine, and that delightful smell of sunscreen. But if you’ve ever wrangled little ones at the pool, you know that the effort it takes to get there far outweighs any enjoyment to be had once you arrive.

While other moms enthusiastically chat about pool days and beach trips, I can’t help but wonder what secret they possess that I don’t. Honestly, I’m sorry to say it, but pool outings are just not worth it. And don’t even get me started on the beach.

Last week, I had a moment of weakness and thought a trip to the pool would kick off our summer on a high note. The pool opens at 11 a.m., so naturally, I started prepping at 10. First on the agenda? The sunscreen dance. This is where I have to strip my kids down, hold them still, and slather them with sticky, white goo to protect their delicate skin from the blazing sun. They absolutely despise this part of the process, so I’m always ready for a showdown. The more I manage to apply, the slicker they become—talk about frustrating!

Of course, I’m already dressed in my latest postpartum swim gear (wink wink) and have coated myself in SPF 50 as well, though I can’t quite reach my back. I’m doomed to burn, but hey, it’s all for the kids, right?

Next, I need to pack enough snacks and drinks to keep us at the pool for more than 45 minutes. Ideally, I want something nutritious that can be eaten without utensils—preferably not too sticky or crumbly. Organic carrot sticks and homemade hummus would be perfect. I’ll just toss those in my small, lightweight cooler since I’m the only adult in this endeavor.

Finally, we arrive at the pool. I unbuckle the car seats, gather my purse, diaper bag, slow-moving 18-month-old, and my dainty cooler, and then trek across the scorching asphalt toward the shimmering oasis: the pool. I hand my passes to the teenage gatekeeper, who interrogates me about the number and type of swim diapers I brought along.

Can we pause for a moment to discuss swim diapers? They’re the bane of every toddler mom’s existence. Supposedly, they allow your child to pee or poop without turning the pool into a cesspool. But every mom knows a swim diaper can only handle a tiny tinkle before it’s done for. So, of course, I wait until the last minute to put it on.

Once we’re in, I quickly scan the crowded deck and spot the only available lounge chair. The kids rush over, and we all squeeze onto the sun-heated plastic slats to unpack. Towels come out, shoes come off, swim diapers go on, suits are tugged up, and I slather more sunscreen on their faces before giving the green light to hit the water.

Are you still with me? This adventure is just getting started.

Five minutes into swimming, the whistle blows for adult swim. Seriously? At 11 a.m. on a Tuesday? The only adults in the pool are moms with non-swimming kids glued to their sagging one-pieces. We drag our kids out of the water and exchange eye rolls at the splash pad until the break ends.

Repeat this scenario two more times—plus another round of the sunscreen dance—and suddenly it’s noon. Time for food and a potty break. Getting a swim diaper off my 3-year-old and back on his wet legs is a lesson in patience. And what’s that face my 18-month-old is making? Oh no. Noooooo! She’s pooping in the swim diaper! Great. Now I have to take both kids and a diaper bag to the tiny pool bathroom, get the wet swimsuit off my girl, keep my curious 3-year-old from touching anything, clean her up, and get her into a fresh swim diaper. Have I mentioned the humidity in that cramped bathroom? It’s like a sauna in there!

Two hours into this circus act, I’m done, the kids are looking a little too pink, and I decide it’s time to call it quits. A mom with older kids might just toss towels at them and head back to the car, but a toddler mom has to prepare for naptime. I change the kids out of their swimsuits (and of course swim diapers) back into regular clothes. As for me? I’ll just deal with a wet bottom on the ride home.

Thankfully, we’re back home in about 15 minutes. The little ones have dozed off in the car, so I haul them to their beds and collapse on the couch, my hair a tangled mess and my cover-up stuck to my lobster-red back. I pray for long naps and drift off into dreamland alongside them.

So, dear friends, if you invite me and my crew to the pool anytime soon, please don’t take it personally if I decline. We’ll be happily splashing in the sprinkler for the rest of the summer. And if you’re interested in family planning resources, check out this excellent guide on pregnancy or learn more about home insemination at this link.

In summary, pool days with toddlers can feel like a chaotic and exhausting endeavor, often leading to more frustration than fun. With the hurdles of sunscreen application, swim diaper woes, and the inevitable potty breaks, it’s a small wonder that many moms prefer simpler summer activities like playing in the sprinkler.