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Parenting in an Era of School Shootings: A New Normal
Updated: July 21, 2016
Originally Published: June 13, 2016
My 6-year-old son dashes into the living room, his tablet firmly in hand. Considering the not-so-distant moment when I reminded him for the third time to brush his teeth, I suspect he’s still neglecting that task. As my patience wears thin, I take a deep breath and silently count to three. I calmly ask him once more to put down the iPad and get ready for school before the bus arrives. I manage to keep my cool, but lurking in the background is an unsettling thought: what if this moment is our last? Like countless other parents, I carry a persistent dread that today could be the day—a day when a troubled individual storms into my children’s school and shatters our lives in an instant.
I will never forget the gut-wrenching moment I learned about the Sandy Hook Elementary School tragedy, where a gunman cruelly took the lives of 20 first-graders and six educators. I sat frozen at my desk, gripped by fear as I watched the news unfold. At that moment, all I wanted was to scoop up my daughter, then a kindergartner, and my toddler son from daycare, whisking them home to keep them safe forever. I’ve never considered myself a helicopter parent; usually, I’m pretty laid-back. But from that day, everything changed.
After that harrowing December day in 2012, I rushed out of work, tears streaming down my face. The images of innocent children flashed through my mind, and I couldn’t help but picture my own kids in that tragic scenario. The unthinkable had happened, and it was no longer just a horror story—it became a reality. I spent the following days in a haze of grief, pouring over news articles and contemplating home-schooling my children, determined to shield them from any potential danger.
However, home-schooling wasn’t feasible. We depended on my income, and my kids adored school and their friends. While my heart ached to keep them close, my rational side prevailed. Yet, the mental images of disaster still haunted me. More than three years later, this anxiety continues to influence my parenting.
To be clear, I have never shared these fears with my children. I don’t spend my days engulfed in worry, but there’s a constant, soft hum of dread in my mind. It shapes my actions and my outlook, but I refuse to let it dominate every moment. Each morning before school, when my kids act out, I channel my inner Zen. Regardless of their antics, I refuse to yell. I strive to avoid negative interactions, ensuring they leave for school fully aware of my love for them. If the unimaginable were to occur, at least they would know they were cherished.
It feels deeply ironic—and sad—that my parenting is now influenced by the horrific actions of one disturbed individual. I often reflect on a poignant story I read about a mother whose son, Jesse, wrote “I love you” in the frost on her car window on the fateful morning of the Sandy Hook shooting. That memory became a source of comfort amidst her grief; it reminded me of the importance of positive last moments. I now make it a point to send my kids to school with love in their hearts.
If I’m searching for a silver lining, it’s this: my children leave for school every day knowing they are loved. In my clearer moments, I recognize that the chances of them facing such violence are slim. Yet, there’s a somber reality that our generation grapples with—an anxiety our parents never had to face. I can’t solve the complex issues of gun control or mental health, but I can ensure my children feel loved before they step out the door. That’s my way of coping.
In conclusion, parenting today means navigating the duality of love and anxiety. We strive to protect our children while fostering their independence, all in a world where the unthinkable can happen. It’s a balancing act that many parents face, and while I may not have all the answers, I know that love is the most powerful tool we have.
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