Want a foolproof way to feel like a subpar parent? Just read an article or study on sleep recommendations. You’ll likely end up questioning your every move.
Recently, I stumbled upon a popular piece highlighting the necessity of early bedtimes for children. It was packed with studies, theories, and the author’s personal anecdotes, all emphasizing how crucial it is to tuck the little ones in by a set hour. The catchy tagline read: “I ensure my kids hit the hay by 7:30 p.m., without fail. They’re happier and may even be smarter and healthier for it.”
Great, I thought. I must be a total mess. My kids have always been night owls. We start our winding down routine around 8, but it feels like it takes forever, and they typically don’t settle in until 9 or 9:30.
But wait—my kids are thriving! Aside from the occasional “I’m a kid and I’m having a meltdown” moments, they generally behave well. Yes, they seem tired sometimes, but not every day—just like any normal person would.
So maybe I’m not failing after all. With naps for the little one and the big one sometimes sleeping in, they’re likely getting enough rest. And honestly, does it matter how it happens? And even if they weren’t “smart” (whatever that means) or “healthy” (who has a kid that doesn’t catch every bug?), how could I definitively say that lack of sleep was the cause?
Some kids are simply wired to be night owls. Mine definitely are, and they prefer to sleep in a bit longer in the morning. Although articles like the one I read argue that more restorative sleep occurs earlier in the night, maybe some kids are destined to be the “stay up late, sleep in” types.
I’ve made attempts to get them to bed earlier. I’ve kicked off the bedtime routine at 7 p.m., enforcing a strict schedule as if I were a drill sergeant, but when the lights go out, the questions start: “Mom, how hot is the sun? Why doesn’t my friend Lisa want to play with me anymore? What happens when you die?”
I can’t just ignore these deep questions, right? I’m not about to give them a full lecture, but these are important discussions that always seem to pop up at 8 p.m. I’m fine with savoring this time, even if it means delaying bedtime a bit.
Plus, there’s a practical aspect to our routine. My older son gets home from school at 3 p.m. (later if he has activities), and after a snack and some screen time, it’s dinner and family time, which brings us to 7 p.m. It’s essential for my kids to spend time with their dad every day. While some families are okay with putting kids to bed before a partner arrives home, we prefer not to do that unless necessary. My husband is a crucial part of the bedtime routine, and if he’s late, the kids have trouble falling asleep without him.
Is that a bad habit? Maybe. Others might see our approach as filled with poor sleep associations and crutches. We not only let our kids stay up late but also lie down with them until they drift off, which is a big no-no in the sleep world. Oops.
In the end, what matters is that each family finds their own rhythm. If early bedtimes work for you, fantastic! If you’re in the “night owl” camp like me, high five! Theories are just that—hypotheses that can easily be contradicted by new research. For us, it’s all about doing what works for our family, and anything else just adds unnecessary stress.
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Summary:
In this humorous reflection on parenting, the author shares her experience with late bedtimes, emphasizing that each family should find what works for them. Despite societal pressures to enforce early sleep schedules, she finds value in the bonding moments that arise during the bedtime routine and asserts that theories on sleep can be subjective. Ultimately, it’s about what suits your family best.