My community may not be the utopia I dream of, but it’s the one I cherish. It’s a blend of parents and non-parents, longtime friends and fresh faces, spiritual mentors and skeptics, young and old. This year, we even welcomed an exchange student from China! Some members of this community are happy to watch my kids, while others may have homes that resemble a tornado’s aftermath. What I adore most is the diverse love that surrounds my children—from their childless friend who adores them like her own, to their godparents who treat them as if they were theirs. We are undeniably fortunate.
However, idyllic as this sounds (one cough, and meals magically appear; a cleaning crisis, and help is on the way), every community needs a few ground rules. Yes, kids should experience a variety of lifestyles, but when it comes to my children, I have some firm expectations. There are boundaries in place, and if they’re crossed, well, I might just have to “vote you off the island.”
1. No Secrets, Please.
Encouraging kids to keep secrets from their parents can create a dangerous gap for manipulation. I’m not suggesting anyone has ill intentions, but asking a child to keep a secret, even something harmless like “Don’t tell Mom, but here’s some extra dessert,” can lead down a slippery slope. Let’s avoid that.
2. Respect Their Personal Space.
We teach our kids that they have control over their own bodies. No means no, and if they say stop, that’s it—hands off! This principle helps protect them not just from potential abuse, but also from unhealthy relationship patterns in the future. Their autonomy is crucial.
3. Know Our Allergies.
In any community, awareness of allergies is vital. My children have specific food intolerances; feeding them the wrong thing can lead to a week of misery for everyone involved. So, please, familiarize yourself with their dietary restrictions and when in doubt, stick to fruit. And be aware: my son is allergic to bees, and my partner has a cat allergy, so no furry friends around my kids, please!
4. Watch Your Language.
Kids are like sponges—they absorb everything. I don’t need my toddler dropping F-bombs. Also, please refrain from speaking negatively about others in front of them. We aim to teach our boys that kindness is key, and gossip isn’t a good look.
5. Curate the Screen Time.
Like most parents, we have strict guidelines for what our children can watch. My 6-year-old doesn’t need to see horror flicks or adult-themed shows. If you’re in charge of the TV, please check with me first to ensure it’s kid-friendly; nightmares are not on the agenda.
6. Respect Our Beliefs.
Every family has its own beliefs, and while I appreciate spirited discussions, please avoid making disparaging remarks about our values—especially regarding religion or politics. If you’re unsure, it’s best to keep quiet.
7. Avoid Comparisons.
Children can be sensitive to comparisons, even if made in jest. Saying things like, “So-and-so can write better than you” can sound like criticism, and we don’t want to foster competition or insecurity among them.
8. Discipline with Care.
Disciplining methods vary widely between families. In ours, corporal punishment isn’t on the menu. If my kids act up, consider gentle alternatives like conversation, time-outs, or natural consequences. Just remember to approach it with kindness.
9. Call Out Bad Behavior.
This is where community support is essential. Don’t let my kids slide by with rudeness or laziness. If they ignore you, remind them of their manners. Sometimes it takes a village to reinforce good behavior, and we’re all in this together!
I may not revel in establishing rules, but they are necessary for our community to thrive. Together, we can raise remarkable individuals, but mutual respect is key. After all, that’s what it means to be part of a community.
For those interested in family-building options, you can check out this excellent resource. And for more insights on home insemination, visit our blog post here.
Summary:
In this article, we outline essential guidelines for creating a supportive and respectful parenting community. By establishing boundaries regarding secrets, personal space, allergies, language, screen time, beliefs, comparisons, discipline, and behavior, we aim for a harmonious environment for our children to thrive.