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Let’s Stop the Noise About ‘Having It All’
Lean in. Work-life balance. A life well-integrated. The idea of “having it all.” These are just a few buzzwords thrown at us to make us feel more empowered, less stressed, or whatever. And honestly? They’re complete nonsense.
What was initially intended as a rallying cry for modern feminism has devolved into a pressure cooker of expectations for women to excel in everything—career, family, social life, you name it. The notion of “having it all” has completely strayed from the true essence of feminism.
Let me clarify: I am an unapologetic feminist and advocate for systemic changes that allow both women and men to pursue fulfilling careers while nurturing families. However, the idea that anyone can genuinely “have it all” is utterly absurd. Seriously, let’s stop the chatter about “having it all.” Because, surprise! No one can. I’ll say it again: No one can have it all.
Even if we were to banish this phrase from our vocabulary, the concept is so ingrained in our collective mindset that we can’t shake it off. It’s like a persistent toddler pulling at our legs. We see it in the ways women hustle at work, all while feeling the need to apologize for a cluttered home or for not signing up for every PTA event. We see it when women who choose to stay home to raise kids refer to themselves as “just” stay-at-home moms. And we see it in the relentless guilt that women carry because they can’t do everything.
The very idea that “having it all” is something to strive for places an unrealistic burden on women, setting a higher bar than we ever expect from men. We don’t question whether men can have it all, and we certainly don’t hold them to the same impossible standards. Just check out the hilariously satirical “Man Who Has It All” social media accounts to see the absurdities of these double standards.
Why should women be expected to juggle career, family, and personal success to achieve a “full” life? What about those women who, for various reasons, either can’t or don’t want to have it all? Feminism should be about equality for every woman, not just those who fit a certain mold. The notion of “having it all” implies that if a woman’s life doesn’t include children, a career, and everything else, she’s somehow lacking.
Of course, there are plenty of systemic and cultural barriers that make it nearly impossible for women to achieve the so-called “all” (think wage gaps and insufficient family leave policies). But let’s not forget how we also place pressure on ourselves to be everything for everyone. The reality is, life involves choices. We only have so much time and energy, and our plates can only hold so much. When we add more to our lives—whether it’s work, family, or social obligations—we inevitably have to take something off. Otherwise, we risk dropping our overloaded plates like a toddler with a juice cup on a pristine rug.
So, let’s put an end to the obsession with “having it all.” Guess what? NO ONE CAN HAVE IT ALL! Not men, not women. It’s time to stop measuring ourselves against this impossible standard that makes us feel inadequate and leads to late-night binges on cookies as we grapple with feelings of failure.
Instead of debating whether women can have it all, let’s prioritize the caretakers in our society. Let’s ensure that mothers receive the postpartum support they deserve, and that all parents can take more than just a fleeting moment off work after welcoming a baby. Let’s practice saying “no” more often and give ourselves grace when we can’t do everything perfectly. And for goodness’ sake, let’s stop using “just” when referring to being a stay-at-home mom. We’re all simply moms and dads, regardless of how we fill our plates.
Life is a buffet of choices, and we can’t possibly have it all. And even if we could somehow pile everything onto our plates, we all know what that leads to—spending the entire meal cutting pancakes into tiny bites, bouncing a baby on our knees, and begging a toddler to take just one more bite before we pay an outrageous bill for food we never got to enjoy.
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Summary
The pressure to “have it all” is an unrealistic expectation placed on women that can lead to feelings of inadequacy and guilt. This article emphasizes the importance of recognizing that no one can truly have everything. By shifting the focus from impossible standards to valuing the diverse choices women make, we can foster a more supportive society for all parents.