How My Parents’ Divorce Inspired Me to Be a Better Parent

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It was family movie night, and we settled in to watch Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. We reached the scene where Harry discovers the Mirror of Erised, a magical mirror that reveals one’s deepest desires. As Harry gazes into the mirror and sees his deceased parents smiling beside him, I looked at my three kids, completely absorbed in the film. They didn’t grasp the heavy emotions Harry was feeling.

On the couch, my wife, Laura, and I sat hand in hand. We’ve been married for over a decade, and I’m confident we’ll make it another. However, reflecting on my own childhood, I could empathize with Harry. My parents divorced when I was 9, and it was a tumultuous experience that left me bouncing between homes and often feeling like I had to take sides. My father struggled with addiction, while my mother battled her own demons. Eventually, I ended up living with my grandmother.

If I had access to the Mirror of Erised, I’d likely see my parents together, happy and in love, because that was my deepest wish. That yearning has lingered with me into adulthood. As I looked at my kids, I realized they would probably never experience such pain unless faced with a tragedy. Right now, their biggest desires are for more screen time or a puppy—simple wants, not weighty ones.

If I were to glance into that mirror today, I’d see Laura and me in our golden years, surrounded by grandkids, more in love than ever. That thought highlights just how much I cherish persevering with my wife. Perhaps “persevering” isn’t quite the right term, as it implies hardship. But there’s something valuable in weathering the ups and downs of marriage. Ours has had its share of peaks and valleys, requiring us to navigate difficult conversations about finances, parenting, and life.

The first couple of years with our son, Ethan, were particularly challenging. Sleepless nights became our norm, and I juggled college classes with a part-time job, while Laura worked full-time. Our finances were tight, and tensions ran high. We bickered constantly during that time, and I often wondered how we made it through.

I can’t speak for Laura, but every time I looked at our little boy, I saw pieces of myself. Ethan and I share the same short, stout hands and messy brown hair. I worried about him facing the same struggles I did due to my parents’ divorce, which fueled my determination to create a better life for him. That meant making things work with Laura.

One evening, after another long day of parenting, we had a heart-to-heart. We hadn’t spoken much recently due to our constant fighting. With Ethan finally asleep, I broke the silence. “I can’t keep going like this. I’m just too tired of the fighting.”

Laura looked at me, her eyes wide with concern. “What are you saying?” she asked, fear creeping into her voice as if I might mention the dreaded D-word.

I took a deep breath. “I’m not suggesting anything like that. I could never put Ethan through what I experienced as a kid. I just know that we can’t keep battling each other.”

She reached for my hand and removed my wedding ring, which made me uneasy. Then she turned it to catch the light and read the inscription: “Love you forever.” “That’s what it says,” she said. “Forever means forever. All of this is just temporary.”

Tears welled in her eyes, and I felt the same swell of emotion. “We just need to hang in there. It will get better, I know it,” she said.

In that moment, I thought about my parents. Did they ever have a conversation like this? Did they realize how their lives would spiral after the divorce? I did.

“You’re right,” I finally replied. “I love you.” She slid my ring back on, we shared a kiss, and began to talk openly. We made compromises and stayed up late, but it was worth it.

Since then, I’ve held onto the idea of “forever,” reminding myself that the struggles we face are temporary. Much of that perspective comes from my childhood experience with divorce, motivating me to work harder for my family and never give up.

Fast forward to our Harry Potter movie night. I looked at my family and recognized that my deepest desire for a happy family was right there with me. It wasn’t my parents I longed for, but rather the family I’m building now. That realization makes every struggle worthwhile.

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Summary:

This article explores how the author’s experience with his parents’ divorce shaped him into a more committed and dedicated parent. Through struggles in his own marriage, he learned the importance of perseverance and communication. Ultimately, he found fulfillment in creating a loving family environment for his children, realizing that his deepest desires had transformed over the years into a commitment to his own family.