Three years ago, my wife, Lily, and I achieved a significant milestone by purchasing our first home. While we were both thrilled to finally be homeowners, we quickly realized that the experience would challenge our marriage in ways we never anticipated.
Just two months after moving in, a snowstorm—an uncommon occurrence in our part of Oregon—hit, and our furnace decided to call it quits. At that time, Lily was seven months pregnant. Having been married for nearly nine years and always renting, I was accustomed to a life where, if something broke, I could simply call the landlord and let them deal with it. But now, I was the landlord. I was the owner. And the weight of that responsibility hit me like a ton of bricks.
When Lily called me at work to break the news, I could hear the panic in her voice, “It’s just blowing out cool air! It’s only 50 degrees in here. You need to do something!” In the past, when she asked me to take action, I felt confident. But this time, I was the one who had to take charge, and I was completely unprepared.
All our savings had gone into the down payment, and we had been diligently paying off our credit cards to stay within budget. With no money left for repairs and my complete lack of knowledge about fixing furnaces, I felt trapped. As the “man of the house,” I thought I should be able to handle this, but the reality was, I struggled to assemble IKEA furniture, let alone fix something as complex as a furnace.
Gender roles crept into our lives the moment we became homeowners. Lily and I began to make assumptions about each other’s responsibilities based on outdated stereotypes. If something broke, like the kitchen sink or the garage door, it felt like I was obligated to fix it. Conversely, if there was a stain on the carpet or the walls needed a fresh coat of paint, I assumed Lily would handle it. The unfortunate reality was that neither of us was particularly skilled at these tasks, which led to plenty of arguments.
For example, our son once stained the carpet with a red popsicle, and I came home to find Lily on her hands and knees, scrubbing frantically. She was on the phone, probably seeking advice from her mother on how to remove the stain. Now that we owned the carpet, the stakes felt higher, and her frustration was palpable. I could see the disappointment in her eyes.
Eventually, I stumbled upon a YouTube video that showed how to use steam to tackle the stain. While we managed to fix the problem, I could sense that Lily felt defeated for not being able to solve it herself. I experienced a similar sense of failure as I crouched next to our broken furnace, chatting with my brother-in-law while trying to troubleshoot. The furnace was a confusing mess of wires and pipes, and I was terrified of causing a spark that would set the whole house ablaze. Yet, I felt an obligation to figure it out because I was the man.
After a series of frustrating attempts, Lily discovered our furnace was covered by a home warranty. In a surprising turn, she ended up solving the issue. Over the years, we’ve encountered many situations where one of us tackled a problem that was typically expected to be handled by the other based on gender roles. Thankfully, we’ve learned to work together, recognizing each other’s strengths rather than sticking to outdated assumptions.
In our journey as homeowners, we’ve come to understand that effective teamwork trumps traditional gender roles. Instead of assuming who should tackle a task, we discuss our skills and work together to learn new things, making our marriage stronger in the process. Buying a house could have driven a wedge between us, but instead, it’s brought us closer as partners.
For more insights on navigating parenting and home ownership, you might enjoy this post about the home insemination kit. If you’re exploring the topic of artificial insemination, check out Make a Mom for expert advice. Additionally, Genetics and IVF Institute is an excellent resource for understanding pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
Buying a house tested Jake and Lily’s marriage in unexpected ways, revealing the pitfalls of traditional gender roles. Faced with home repairs and challenges, they learned to collaborate and leverage each other’s strengths, ultimately strengthening their partnership instead of allowing the stressors of homeownership to drive them apart.