Updated: Jan. 26, 2017
In case you haven’t heard, kids are a serious drain on the wallet. Recent studies suggest that families shell out anywhere from $12,350 to $13,900 annually for their little bundles of joy. So, if I’m doing my math right (let’s just verify with a calculator), that adds up to roughly $233,610 to raise a child until they hit 18. That’s right—nearly a quarter of a million bucks for the kid who’s currently munching on Cheerios he fished out from the trash can.
But here’s the kicker: those reports are complete nonsense.
They completely overlook the true cost of parenting. I’m not just talking about the basic stuff like food, clothing, and education—those figures are all neatly laid out in the annual “Cost of Raising a Child” report. What’s missing is the hidden expenses that come with being a parent, which are glaringly absent from these reports.
What about the cash we blow on KitKat bars while we try to escape to the bathroom for a moment of peace, only to be interrupted by our kids using our favorite throw pillows as weapons? Let’s not forget those late-night convenience store runs for cookie dough ice cream while we anxiously wait for our teen to come home from a late night out. And how many times have we tossed unhealthy snacks into our shopping carts just to stop the incessant whines for “froooot snaaaackssss”?
Also neglected in these reports are the hundreds we spend on high-end concealer to hide the evidence of sleepless nights, thanks to co-sleeping that often turns into co-lying-awake while our toddlers karate chop us in our sleep. The pricey gym memberships we keep just to squeeze in a shower and some steam time while the kids are in childcare? Not included. And let’s not even start on the padded bras we need to bring some life back to our post-baby bodies because our kids quite literally drained us.
I’ll give the U.S. Department of Agriculture some credit—the costs of raising a parent are tricky to quantify. How do you even begin to assess the funds spent on parenting books that we’ll end up disregarding and the therapy bills from the stress that those same books caused us? It’s a riddle wrapped in an enigma. Or maybe our brains are just too fried from trying to help our second-graders with Common Core math to even care anymore.
That quarter-million dollar estimate for our darling children doesn’t account for the choker necklace our toddler decided to flush or the plumbing bill that followed. It also doesn’t cover the cost of a new smartphone because “someone” thought it would be a good idea to wash it in the dishwasher. And don’t forget about the hair dye we buy to cover up the grays that popped up after our teenager started driving.
Kids are undeniably expensive, but the hidden costs of parenting are what really put a dent in our finances. So, hold onto your pennies, fellow parents. Those chiropractor visits for our post-baby backs won’t pay for themselves!
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In summary, while raising kids certainly comes with its fair share of financial burdens, the costs associated with being a parent are the real kicker. So, parents, gear up for the expenses that come with this wild ride!