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Clearing Our Path, So Our Kids Can Soar
My 4-year-old is diving into the world of biking with the kind of fearlessness that makes my more cautious heart race daily. Last week, our contrasting philosophies on risk collided during an outing. At first, all was well. She navigated gentle turns and small hills with confidence, and I managed to suppress the urge to yell, “Be careful!” and “How are you riding a bike when I still see you as my baby?”
However, I knew a bigger hill awaited us. She had previously avoided riding down it, so I was feeling relatively at ease. But as she reached the top and gazed down, I sensed a shift in her adventurous spirit. In a split second, she made the bold decision to push off, and I went into panic mode.
What followed was not my finest parenting moment. I couldn’t shake the images of her careening off the bike and landing in a heap on the gravel. Overwhelmed by my fears, I sprinted down the hill after her, gripping the back of her seat. She came to a stop, her eyes ablaze with annoyance. “Mommy! You can’t hold people when they are biking!”
But you’re not just anyone, I thought stubbornly, slowly letting go of my grip. You’re my little girl! She huffed back up the hill, clearly frustrated.
In that moment, I faced a critical choice. I could exert my authority, make her stop, and instill my fears into her heart. It would be so easy — far too easy — to teach her that she couldn’t trust herself, following a long tradition of discouraging young girls from taking risks.
Or, I could let her go. I had to cover my face with my hands to shield myself from the potential disaster as she prepared to speed down the hill. But when I finally peeked through my fingers, I saw her zooming down, her pigtails flapping in the wind, a pink tutu trailing behind her. She reached the bottom and cheered in triumph, reveling in her newfound skill.
In that instant, I realized I was about to rob her of this joy. I retracted my metaphorical helicopter blades and let my fearless daughter bike home, a little champion in her own right.
This article was originally published on July 18, 2016.
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Summary:
In a candid reflection on parenting, Casey Martin recounts a biking adventure with her fearless 4-year-old. Faced with her child’s daring spirit, Casey grapples with her instincts to protect and control versus the need to let her child explore and grow. Ultimately, she chooses to embrace her daughter’s independence, allowing her to experience the joy of mastering a new skill.