Ah, the classic parenting joke: once you have kids, your sex life takes a nosedive. While it doesn’t vanish completely (let’s hope!), it certainly undergoes a transformation. The reality is, even the most passionate couples can hit a dry spell after becoming parents. With sleepless nights, a tiny human constantly attached to you, and the never-ending encounters with poop, it can be tough to feel frisky. But that’s where the witty parents of Twitter come in, bringing humor to the all-too-real struggle of intimacy post-kids.
1. Remember that one time? Wow.
It leaves no room for doubt about your bedroom skills—at least for that one unforgettable moment.
2. Different kinds of pleasure.
For parents, enjoying a bowl of chocolate cereal in silence can feel like a mind-blowing experience.
3. Beyoncé, you’re our only salvation.
We might not always be “Drunk in Love”; sometimes, we just want a moment of peace and quiet.
4. The ultimate Hail Mary.
Trying to sneak in some romance amidst the chaos can feel like a high-pressure situation—so much noise, yet so little time!
5. Feeling sexy AF.
Setting the mood is key, but watch out for tiny hands reaching where they shouldn’t!
6. Don’t you even think about it.
Nothing kills the mood faster than a reminder to do laundry, said through gritted teeth. Talk about a romance killer!
7. Knives down, please.
He may not admit it, but he secretly enjoys your guidance when it comes to household management.
8. Those socks, though.
True love means a gentle nudge and a reminder: “No, babe…keep the socks on.”
9. Nope, not those batteries.
Those are for our noisy Fisher Price casino of toys, not for any adult fun. Sigh.
10. Does that count?
Parents often feel like passing ships in the night when it comes to intimacy—more like awkward strangers at a crowded water park, right?
11. Nothing sexier, honestly.
Oh yes, honey! Please remind me how we won’t have to use a rest stop bathroom, thanks to your planning.
12. Practicality at its finest.
If you don’t handle it now, it might sit in the washer ‘til morning. No mom would judge you!
13. Getting a little kinky.
By the time you hit “Valances: Aren’t These Nice?” he should be ready to roll.
14. Yikes.
Sorry, but some things are just too much to come back from. RIP, sex life.
This article was originally published on July 28, 2016.
For more laughs and relatable stories, be sure to check out our other blog posts on home insemination at Home Insemination Kit. And if you’re looking for expert advice, Make a Mom is an excellent resource on at-home insemination kits. For further information on pregnancy and home insemination, visit Mount Sinai.
In summary, while the realities of parenthood may reshape your intimate life, it’s all part of the journey. With humor and understanding, parents can navigate this new chapter together, even if it comes with a few bumps along the way.