In every parent’s journey, there’s that moment when the kids pop The Question. You know the one — it’s cringeworthy, carries immense weight, and your response is crucial. Not “Where do babies come from?” but rather, “Can we get a dog?”
Reddit user rsmith87 recently shared a laugh-worthy “family dog contract” that he crafted for his kids in response to this daunting inquiry. In the post titled “Dog Contract by Hesitant Dad,” he humorously laid down the law regarding their future furry friend, stipulating everything from the dog’s size to the exact spot in the yard for bathroom breaks.
The contract boldly states, “We can get a dog if everyone agrees to all of the following terms.” Number one? “Dad never has to pick up dog poop. Ever. The kids will handle the poop situation three times a week to Dad’s satisfaction.”
Next, the dad elaborates on the dog’s characteristics: it must weigh less than 15 pounds, be a non-shedding breed (good luck with that!), and must do its business in the side yard, specifically on the rocks near Barbara’s fence. Sorry, Barb! Additionally, the dog must be bathed by a child whenever Dad deems it stinky and absolutely cannot have drool or a runny nose. “All parties agree that those kinds of dogs are gross,” the contract notes.
Some other amusing stipulations include:
- The dog must not scratch the floors—how this is achieved is of no concern to Dad (nail clipping, booties, or even foot surgery, perhaps?).
- If the dog makes a mess indoors, harmful cleaning chemicals can be used if the new-age solutions don’t work.
- Dad holds unlimited veto power over the dog’s name.
- The dog is explicitly not to be referred to as a child or sibling — it’s a dog, plain and simple.
- The dog will not be included by name on the family Christmas card, and if it appears in a photo, it should be merely incidental.
Most importantly:
- The kids pledge to never fall out of love with the dog or lose interest. The dog will be their responsibility for its entire life.
The dad’s humorous post was met with laughter, with many suggesting that he would inevitably end up loving the dog more than he anticipated. Some criticized him for being unreasonably strict, but to me, this contract serves as a practical checklist for anyone considering a dog. Dogs are not just for cuddles; they come with substantial commitments, and this dad is preparing his kids with a clever mix of humor and reality.
In the comments, rsmith87 later revealed that his family did indeed adopt a dog. “Two weeks after signing the contract, we brought home a three-year-old fluffy mutt from a shelter that weighs 15 lbs, is house-trained, and doesn’t shed or drool,” he shared. “We named him Max (veto power not used)… Everyone, including Dad, absolutely loves him, making him a fantastic addition to (but not a member of) our family.”
It seems that creating a family dog contract might not be such a bad idea after all.
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Summary: A dad’s humorous family dog contract went viral, detailing conditions for getting a dog, including poop duty and dog size. The post highlights the responsibility of pet ownership in a funny way, and the family eventually adopted a dog, proving that humor can ease serious discussions about commitments.