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It’s a Common Misconception That Boys Are Less Emotional Than Girls
When I learned I was expecting my second son, I experienced a twinge of sadness. He would be my last child, and while my love for him would undoubtedly match that of my first son, I felt a pang for not having a daughter. It wasn’t that I yearned for a little girl to braid hair or discuss boy drama with—those were never my interests. I understood that having a daughter didn’t guarantee a “girly” child, since gender is a social construct. But I did buy into the stereotype that having a girl meant raising a more sensitive, emotional soul who would share her innermost thoughts with me, similar to my closest female friends.
Naturally, I also imagined the chaotic moments ahead—both of us sobbing through PMS as she navigated her teenage years.
Fast forward a decade of parenting my two sons, and I realize I was mistaken—deeply mistaken. Boys can be just as emotional as girls. They have moods and tears, and they’re capable of profound connections. They can share their feelings openly and bond just as deeply with me. That is—if we allow them to.
Like many, I’ve been influenced by gender norms. I’ve noticed these stereotypes seep into my thinking, but I made a conscious choice to encourage my boys to embrace their emotions. When they were younger and fell apart over something as trivial as the shape of their toast, I validated their feelings, even if I found it a bit exasperating. I never told them to “man up” when they cried; instead, I equipped them with the tools to be resilient while also making it clear that emotions are not something to suppress or feel embarrassed about.
And guess what? My boys have a wealth of emotions—they’re emotional whirlwinds! Just this past weekend, we bought a new car, retiring our trusty old Honda after 15 years. The boys had quite the reaction, expressing their sentimental attachment in dramatic ways. My 9-year-old, in a fit of tears, pleaded, “But it’s the only car I’ve ever known!” Meanwhile, my 3-year-old leaned on my shoulder while I was, you know, having a bathroom moment, and said, “Mommy, I’m sad. I don’t like change.”
A similar scene unfolded when I tried to replace the worn-out quilt on my bed. Both boys were surprisingly attached to an old blanket that had seen better days, thanks to their roughhousing. It’s hilarious how emotionally invested they were in a mere blanket!
But it’s not just objects they get attached to; the emotional closeness I hoped for in a daughter is something I experience tenfold with my sons. They share their hopes, dreams, and fears without hesitation. I can only imagine how animated things will get when puberty arrives!
However, I’ve noticed that my boys tend to hold back around their friends, particularly their male friends, and they’re slightly more reserved with their dad. They definitely open up more to me, for better or worse. Perhaps the “boy culture” they’re surrounded by influences this behavior.
Cultural expectations about gender run deep, and while I can’t completely shield my sons from these influences, I can create a safe environment where they feel comfortable expressing themselves. I hope that as they grow older and become more socialized, they’ll remember that expressing feelings is perfectly normal and healthy—regardless of the gender they were born with.
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In summary, boys are just as emotional as girls; they experience a range of feelings and can create deep connections. It’s time we break the myth and allow our sons to express their emotions freely, fostering a healthier understanding of masculinity.