A Partisan Progressive Reflects on the Final Evening of the Democratic National Gathering

A (mostly accurate) recap of the last night of the Democratic National Convention

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Welcome to history, everyone!

What does Hillary need to accomplish in her speech tonight? Well, she must open up and show the people who she really is, while also outlining her plans and policies for the nation’s future. She should speak as a mother and grandmother but should avoid leaning too heavily on the fact that she is a woman. It’s a juggling act: showing America her heart while also presenting herself as a resolute commander-in-chief. She must aim for a lasting impact like the previous speakers, but she shouldn’t overreach—that’s not her forte. Hillary needs to address Donald Trump but focus on her own positive attributes instead. She has to command the stage without falling into the trap of being labeled “shrill.” And for goodness’ sake, she shouldn’t take too long doing all of this.

Meanwhile, Trump could literally send a bag of flatulence through the mail, and it wouldn’t budge his popularity one bit. Yup, that checks out. Good luck, H!

SPEAKERS

Tonight’s theme? “ALL THE HISTORY.” We witnessed our first transgender speaker at a convention, alongside an openly gay congressman who sweetly told his husband from the stage, “Honey, I love you.” It was a moment to remember.

Next up was Governor Andrew Cuomo:
“HELLO, DEMOCRATS! IS THIS A GREAT CONVENTION OR WHAT? AT STAKE IN THIS ELECTION IS THE VERY SOUL OF AMERICA! AM I YELLING? I CAN’T TELL! FEAR IS A POWERFUL WEAPON. IT EXCITES AND MOTIVATES, BUT IT HAS NEVER BUILT A HOME OR EDUCATED A CHILD. IT CAN, HOWEVER, GET SOMEONE ELSE TO BUILD THAT HOME FOR YOU AND SILENCE A CHILD WHO WANTS TO LEARN. EXCUSE MY VOLUME, I JUST CAME FROM A ROCK CONCERT INSIDE A FIRING RANGE!”

Then we had Governor John Hickenlooper, who probably won’t ever be president just because of his name. Sorry, folks. That’s your glass ceiling.

A few Republicans for Clinton then took the stage, arguing that rather than loyalty to party lines, we should prioritize loyalty to the world that will exist in three years. It’s a solid point.

Khizr Khan, father of a soldier who died after the 9/11 attacks, delivered a powerful statement:
“Donald Trump—have you even read the U.S. Constitution? I will gladly lend you my copy. You have sacrificed nothing and no one.”
No words. Best moment of both conventions. PS—Hey, RNC. We’ve got patriotism too.

General John Allen (ret. USMC), onstage with veterans, declared:
“Our foreign relations cannot be reduced to a business transaction. Our armed forces will not be reduced to murder and torture.”
This man was in the military? His booming voice made me want to cry and do push-ups! Also, RNC? We have veterans.

Chelsea Clinton shared:
“Every day as a mother, I think of my mom. Every memory of her is that she was always there for me. When she traveled for work, she left me notes with dates for every day she was gone. They reminded me I was always in her heart. That feeling of being valued is what my mom wants for every child. It’s her calling. I am so proud to be her daughter.”
No, you’re crying. Don’t pretend—you’re using your shirt as a tissue.

Then there was a video narrated by the iconic Morgan Freeman, telling Hillary’s life story. I wonder if James Earl Jones has moved on to larger venues.

Hillary Clinton stepped up:
“Thank you, everyone. Bernie supporters—I’ve heard you. Your cause is our cause. Now, let me tell you a little story about the American Revolution.”
OH MY GOD, WHEN WILL YOU HUMBLY ACCEPT OUR NOMINATION TO BE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES?

“Donald Trump has taken the Republican Party from ‘morning in America’ to ‘midnight in America.’ We are clear-eyed about what faces us, but we are not afraid. Don’t believe anyone who says, ‘I alone can fix it.’”
Her enunciation is on point; not a single ‘a’ or ‘t’ goes unnoticed.

“It is with humility, determination, and boundless confidence in America’s promise that I accept your nomination for President of the United States.”
H…I…S…T…O…RY…HISTORY! DANCE meep-moop meep mememe, WE MAKE HISTORY IF WE WANT TO, LEAVING REPUBLICANS BEHIND BECAUSE TRUMP IS A BIGOT!

“My job titles tell you what I’ve done but not why I’ve done it. In public service, the ‘service’ part comes much easier to me than the ‘public’ part.”
RNC—this is what self-awareness looks like.

“I believe in science. [Psst, RNC. We also believe in science.] I believe climate change is real. I believe mass deportation is inhumane. I believe the National Enquirer is a rag best used for cleaning windows. I believe Antonin Scalia died of natural causes and that President Obama is not a Kenyan Muslim trying to destroy our country from within. If you believe in all these things, then this is your campaign.”

“But Trump, he’s a businessman! He must know something about the economy, right? Let’s take a closer look.” [Pours herself a cup of tea.] “He says he wants to make America great again; well, he could start by making things in America again.”
Nailed it.

“Do you really think he has the temperament to be commander-in-chief? A man you can bait with a tweet is not a man you can trust with nuclear weapons. There is no other Donald Trump. This is it.”

“The world is watching, so let’s be stronger together and look to the future with courage. When we do, America will be greater than ever.”
MIC. DROP.

And for the record, we’ve got balloons too.

In summary, the final night of the Democratic National Convention was a historical moment, with a blend of powerful speeches and heartfelt stories, culminating in Hillary Clinton’s acceptance of the nomination. It showcased the party’s unity and commitment to progressive values, while also drawing stark contrasts with the opposing party’s rhetoric.