Kids have feelings—big, messy, and intense ones. Anyone who’s dealt with a wailing baby, a tantrum-throwing toddler, or a moody teenager knows that children come equipped with a vast emotional toolkit.
From my experience as a parent and educator, I’ve noticed that society often sends mixed messages about emotions. In my own parenting journey with my kids, I’ve found myself saying, “Stop crying” more times than I care to admit. I’ve also told them, “Don’t be sad,” which isn’t exactly the message I want to send. It’s tough parenting little ones with such big feelings!
The unfortunate truth is that when kids are taught—often unintentionally—that certain feelings are negative or something to suppress, they grow up thinking they shouldn’t feel them at all. Anger becomes something to fear, and sadness equates to failure. This is a harmful narrative, leading children to believe they should have complete control over their emotions. When someone says, “Happiness is a choice,” it implies that if you’re not happy, you’re somehow failing to manage your feelings. If it were that simple, who would ever choose sadness?
For years, I battled with my own emotions, trying to control what I perceived as “bad” feelings like anger and sadness. Spoiler alert: it didn’t work. In fact, the more I tried to suppress those feelings, the more miserable I became. I felt like a failure whenever I wasn’t happy, and that’s a weight no one should bear.
It was a game-changer for me to realize that feelings aren’t inherently bad. Anger isn’t bad; it’s how we channel it that can be constructive or destructive. The same goes for sadness. In our household, we’ve made it a point to discuss feelings openly and to differentiate between feelings and choices. Phrases like, “It’s fine to be angry, but it’s not okay to lash out,” or “It’s okay to feel sad. I do too; how can we navigate this together?” have become our norms.
Every emotion is valid. Sure, some feelings might be uncomfortable, but they are not wrong. Moreover, I strive to respond with intention. Even if I don’t understand why my child feels a certain way, I don’t dismiss it. I guide them to recognize the choices that led to their feelings and what constructive choices they can make moving forward.
Kids today face unprecedented challenges with mental health, including increasing rates of depression and anxiety. It’s more crucial than ever to teach them how to navigate their emotions healthily. Instead of encouraging them to deny or demonize difficult feelings, I want to empower them to build a positive relationship with their emotions. They don’t need to control their feelings, nor do those feelings need to control them.
If you want to learn more about emotional well-being or parenting, check out this insightful piece on home insemination kit or visit Make A Mom for expert guidance on your fertility journey. For a deeper dive into pregnancy and home insemination, WebMD offers excellent resources that can help.
In summary, I choose to teach my children that feelings are natural and essential to being human. Rather than attempting to control their emotions, I want them to embrace and understand them.