“Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming…” Who would have thought that the animated character I resonate with the most isn’t a princess, but rather a forgetful blue fish? As a mom raising a child on the autism spectrum, there are days when it feels like we’re swimming upstream against a relentless current.
Support for children like my son doesn’t always come easily. Navigating the system to find the right help can be a daily challenge. Our family life often strays far from “normal,” subjected to the scrutiny of judgmental stares. The pressure can be overwhelming, and at times, I genuinely feel like I’m sinking. I often find myself questioning where I will muster the strength for yet another day of advocacy for my children.
Interestingly, it’s the most trivial tasks that make me feel like I’m about to go under—like doing the dishes, for example.
Last night, I walked into the kitchen to face what seemed like a mountain of dirty dishes. One glance at the chipped plates and coffee-stained mugs made me feel utterly defeated. I slammed the door, muttering some choice words, and sulked off to bed.
But you know what? This morning, when I opened the kitchen door, that pile of dishes wasn’t nearly as daunting as I had imagined. My pessimistic mind had been playing tricks on me.
What I should have done last night was simply declare, “So what!”
Embracing a more laid-back attitude is liberating. When I think about it, there’s often a silver lining to even the most mundane situations, even when it comes to dirty dishes.
So what if I leave the pots in the sink overnight? In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter? Probably not—my husband might finally buy me that dishwasher I’ve been wanting if I let the dishes pile up a bit. Strategic thinking, right?
So what if I miss out on watching feel-good TV with millions of others on Sunday night? I can always binge-watch it later in the week and skip the ads. That’s a win in my book.
So what if my shower takes place at 10:30 PM because my morning chaos is all about getting my son to school with minimal stress? Let’s face it—I was never a morning person anyway.
So what if my husband and I have to schedule daytime dates due to the difficulties of finding an evening babysitter? Midweek deals at our local pub often make it worthwhile!
So what if we have to alternate family gatherings because big crowds can be overwhelming? It gives us quality time with our daughters and lets the parent at home enjoy some much-needed TV control.
So what if we vacation in the same place each year for the sake of consistency? At least we know what to expect—no nasty surprises or creepy crawlies under the bed.
So what if I opt for comfy shoes instead of heels? I’m usually dodging flying toys or remote controls, and blisters are the last thing I need.
So what if I need to be home by 10:30 PM on a night out because my son worries if I’m not back in time? Honestly, I’m okay with it—I prefer to be cozy in bed with a cup of tea.
So what if I had to leave my job? One door closes, and another opens. I wouldn’t be here sharing my story otherwise.
So what if my son prefers to communicate through text instead of face-to-face conversations? Each message is a cherished memory that I can keep forever—and maybe use to tease him when he’s 18!
So what if I spend a chunk of my day filling out forms and making calls to meet my son’s needs? It’s making me stronger as a mama bear. Grrrr!
So what if my son only wears specific socks due to sensory preferences? When we find a brand he loves, we stock up—making laundry days a little less chaotic.
So what if we’ve watched “Harry Potter” a million times? At least I now know the incantation to use against Dementors—“Expecto Patronum!”
So what if my son attends a special education school? It’s the ideal environment for him to thrive and feel accepted. Ultimately, that’s what we all desire for our kids, right?
So what if I lose a few friends along the way due to our limited social calendar? True friends will stick around, and I’ll take quality over quantity any day.
So what if our family doesn’t fit the conventional mold? Who needs normal? I’ve learned not to buy into the perfect family images we see online—everyone has their own struggles and stories.
So what if my son is autistic? He remains my unique and wonderful little boy, and I refuse to let others’ judgments dictate how he feels about himself.
So what if some people disagree with my parenting choices? They aren’t living my life, and they don’t have to navigate my journey in my (comfy) shoes.
Next time you feel yourself sinking beneath the waves, try adopting a “so what?” mindset. Allow yourself to float for a bit, imagining you’re lounging on an inflatable raft with a cocktail in hand, humming along like that little blue fish, “just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.” We moms don’t always have to fight the current—it can get exhausting. So from one blue fish to another, “When life gets tough, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!”
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In summary, embracing a “so what” attitude can help lighten the load on parenting, especially when faced with the unique challenges of raising a child on the autism spectrum. Life doesn’t have to be perfect, and sometimes, it’s the little things that matter most.