To Teens Who Are Finding It Hard to Fit In

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Dear Teen,

Hey there. How are you holding up? I suspect things might not be great. If you’ve found your way here, chances are you’re feeling some pain. You’re likely struggling in ways that are hard to articulate. I may not know you or your specific challenges, and I don’t want to presume your experience; however, I do have a small request: stay with me for just three to five minutes. Allow this 37-year-old some of your time because I’ve stood in your shoes, and I’ve gained valuable insight that I’d love to share.

I wasn’t always the confident or “cool” person you might think. I grew up in tough circumstances—living in a home filled with clutter, raised by a mother who battled mental illness, and losing my father when I was just 12. Despite being a straight-A student and passionate about band, books, and drama, my situation made me an easy target for ridicule.

I wore shoes from discount stores and often sported clothing that didn’t quite fit. These things made me vulnerable, especially when added to the full-body brace I had to wear. By seventh grade, I was facing daily harassment. I dreaded walking through hallways, and by ninth grade, I was skipping class. School was lonely; I felt like an outsider, yearning for connection and acceptance.

I wanted to experience the camaraderie that seemed so easy for others—like going to parties with friends. Instead, I found myself on the periphery, longing for an invite that rarely came. I had a small group of friends who were also considered outcasts, but feeling isolated during such a crucial time was painful.

Some Lessons Learned

Some lessons I learned along the way? The teenage years are fleeting. It may feel like they drag on forever when you’re struggling, but trust me, they will pass. Hold tight to the friendships that matter, even if they’re few, and remember to take life one step at a time. Popularity isn’t what truly matters; being a good person is what counts.

Embracing your uniqueness is a powerful act. Whether it’s your style, your interests, or simply how you see the world, being different is something to celebrate. In the long run, those who stand out often find success—many of the most accomplished individuals were once the “awkward” ones.

You might feel entirely alone right now, but I assure you, you’re not. Many people—friends, teachers, and even family—are there for you. You just have to reach out.

And remember: everyone has an opinion, but that doesn’t mean you have to listen to it. Opinions are subjective and can often be negative. Focus on your truth and own who you are.

I know it may not feel like it now, but you don’t need to change to fit in. You are enough just as you are.

Resources for Support

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In summary, high school can be tough, but remember that this period won’t last forever. Embrace your individuality, seek connections, and focus on being the best version of yourself. You’re not alone in this journey; there are people and resources that care.