Chore charts—I’ve tried them all: magnetic, canvas, chalkboard, you name it. I’ve got reminders in bathrooms about wiping toothpaste off the sink, ones in the laundry room for emptying pockets and not leaving sweaty socks in balls, and even notes taped to kitchen cabinets urging them to put dirty dishes in the sink and empty the dishwasher when it’s full.
We’ve gone through the whole gamut. I even attempted to make some myself, thinking a personal touch would inspire my kids to shake off their “I won’t help mom” phase. Spoiler alert: it didn’t work. They’re completely unmoved. Well-meaning friends with well-behaved kids have suggested strategies like assigning specific “jurisdictions” around the house for each child. Tried that too—it was a total flop. They don’t care if their area looks like a disaster zone; they’ll just retreat to a cleaner part of the house.
When it comes to chores—be it chore charts, designated areas, or weekly tasks—my kids have consistently failed to step up. I’ve finally accepted that no amount of written reminders will get them motivated to pitch in, because they simply don’t.
Bribes? Nope. Incentives like money or revoking privileges? No luck there either. None of it changes their reluctance to help around the house. Instead, we’ve settled into a more laid-back approach: “Just do it when I ask or when you notice it needs doing.” It’s as straightforward as it gets.
Some parents might gasp in horror, claiming I’m doing my kids a disservice by not instilling a sense of household responsibility. They’re shocked to learn my kids don’t do their own laundry or scrub toilets. But with four kids aged 8 to 18, our lives resemble a circus on a good day. Adding chore charts only cranked up the stress for everyone—including me, as managing a chore list felt like yet another job on my plate. Eventually, we all just rebelled against the idea of another to-do list.
After spending their days in school tackling endless checklists, then coming home to homework and activities, followed by family dinners, they barely have time for a proper bedtime routine. And let’s talk about high schoolers: they’re out the door by 7 a.m. and often don’t return until after 8 p.m. due to sports or part-time jobs (where they clean toilets!). When do they find time to tackle household chores?
For now, we’ll stick with our casual system of me asking for help at different times and them eventually complying. I hope that without a chart or rigid system, they’ll gradually take the initiative and take pride in completing tasks without needing a reward.
Before long, they’ll head off to college, and the state of their bedrooms, bathrooms, and laundry will no longer be my concern. You might wonder, “If you never made them do their laundry, how will they know what to do?” Funny you should ask. I recently dropped my eldest off at college, and on the way, he asked, “Um, how do I do laundry?” I casually replied, “Check the directions on the back of the Tide box. Good luck.” Guess what? He managed just fine.
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In summary, I’ve accepted that chore charts and rigid systems simply don’t work for my children. Instead, we’ve developed a more relaxed approach that allows them to help when they notice things need doing. Ultimately, I hope this encourages them to take responsibility without needing to be reminded or rewarded.