Menu
- Parenting
The Unspoken Guilt of Motherhood
by Laura Thompson
March 24, 2023
Nazra Zahri / Getty Images
Expectations surrounding motherhood often prepare us for physical changes like stretch marks and sleepless nights, along with practical matters such as car seat safety. Yet, there are elements of this journey that remain unaddressed. Why is nobody discussing the profound guilt that accompanies motherhood?
There exists “working mom guilt,” “guilt from having too many children and not enough attention to go around,” “guilt from having only one child and wishing for siblings,” and even “guilt for not being more fun.” The cycle of guilt seems relentless.
As children mature, new varieties of guilt appear, almost as if they’re waiting around every corner. What a delightful surprise motherhood is! At the moment, I’m grappling with “I’m finally taking time for myself and feeling guilty about it.” It’s a challenging paradox. While I’m thrilled to engage in something I love, the guilt feels like an array of tiny daggers piercing my heart throughout the day.
I feel remorseful because my first child experienced a different version of motherhood compared to the one my youngest knows. For five years before kindergarten, my eldest had a mom who was often lonely and craving social interactions. We attended playdates, visited parks, and explored coffee shops—wherever there were people to connect with, I was there.
I was fully immersed in the role of a stay-at-home mom, orchestrating crafts (including a rather disastrous birdhouse made from an orange juice container) and curating educational experiences. My life revolved entirely around his, as I had envisioned motherhood would fulfill me. Yet, I frequently felt an emptiness, coupled with the guilt of not loving motherhood as I had anticipated.
Even during those moments of dissatisfaction, I was present. So why did guilt still shadow me? When my second child arrived, I began to discover a new side of myself. One day, I wrote something that resonated with others, and it was exhilarating. I realized I could engage in activities beyond the daily grind of parenthood. This new passion filled me with energy and purpose in ways motherhood hadn’t.
Despite beginning to write, I continued the routines of playdates and volunteer roles, still identifying myself as a stay-at-home mom. However, by the time my third child was born, I had evolved. He was never introduced to the stay-at-home mom his older brother had; instead, he has known a work-from-home mother who writes daily. The dynamic changed—my time spent volunteering at school decreased, and playdates became rare. Activities shifted from weekly park visits to casual outdoor play or screen time while I worked.
I still take my kids to the park occasionally, engage in board games, and yes, we sometimes tackle crafts. Yet, my time has become more precious and limited. My youngest may receive an hour of focused attention, while the previous version of me had boundless minutes to devote.
And yes, guilt lingers. But alongside it, I also experience immense fulfillment. I feel accomplished, intelligent, and valued in my role outside of motherhood. The truth is that motherhood doesn’t always satisfy our personal needs, even if we acknowledge its paramount importance in raising children.
While I cherish the friendships and experiences from those early days, I recognized my need for more. This realization required a conscious choice to redefine what it means to be a mother. It meant demonstrating to my children what a work-from-home mom looks like and prioritizing my own needs.
As the day concludes, I often reflect—sometimes with guilt—on the time I spent with my children, especially my youngest, who is with me half the day. Did I do enough? Was I truly present? If my answer is no, I commit to doing better the next day, which I typically achieve. I put aside my work for nature walks or an intense CandyLand session.
Still, I continue to balance my responsibilities, showing him the importance of self-care as a mother. Because, after all, the responsibilities of motherhood are never complete.
For further insights into parenting and home insemination, consider visiting this resource for pregnancy information, as well as exploring this article for engaging content. Additionally, if you want to learn more about home insemination kits, check out this expert source.
Summary
Motherhood is rife with unacknowledged guilt, from feeling inadequate as a working mom to grappling with the emotional weight of being present for multiple children. This journey is marked by the struggle to balance self-care with parental responsibilities, ultimately leading to a deeper sense of fulfillment. Recognizing the various forms of guilt can help mothers redefine their identities while nurturing both their children and themselves.