Chronic Migraines Dominate My Life

home insemination Kit

“Your dad’s in charge of breakfast today,” I tell my son, feeling the weight of a thousand suns pressing against my temples. Each movement feels like wading through molasses as I buckle him into his high chair, desperately focusing on not losing my breakfast all over my 2-year-old.

“Mommy has a headache, huh?” he asks innocently.

“Yes,” I reply, only for him to shout back, “No! No, you don’t!” His disappointment is palpable; he gets it. I’ll be spending the day in bed, leaving him and his dad to fend for themselves. As I kiss him goodbye and hand him over to my husband, it feels like my brain is being twisted by a hot curling iron. I wish I could be there with him, experiencing the joy of the day, rather than succumbing to the crushing weight of chronic migraines.

These days, migraines define me just as much as my hair color or my questionable comma placements. I find it frustrating. Though I’m among the 36 million Americans living with this condition, I often feel isolated and misunderstood. I’ve grown weary of explaining my chronic migraines to others, only to be met with sympathetic looks and unsolicited advice like “Have you tried taking two Advil?” or my personal favorite, “Have you thought about reducing stress?” It’s akin to telling someone with a broken leg to just walk it off. They don’t grasp that migraines are a complex neurological disorder that even doctors struggle to fully understand. Every migraineur knows that a true migraine is not just a bad headache that can be pushed through.

My migraines began about a decade ago. Initially, I experienced them sporadically, but now they’ve ramped up to nearly daily occurrences. Hormonal fluctuations are my main trigger. When my period starts or I ovulate, I’m often left reaching for abortive medications day after day. As soon as one migraine subsides, the hormonal cycle restarts, and I brace myself for the next wave.

I’ve explored every possible remedy. The only time I found any reprieve was during pregnancy, but let’s be real, I’m not planning on living in a perpetual state of pregnancy—though my husband seems willing to help out with that! The list of treatments I’ve tried is long: acupuncture, yoga, hypnotherapy, dietary changes, hormone therapy, Botox injections, and yes, even quality time with my husband. Unfortunately, nothing seems to stick. Some days, my abortive medication is effective, while others, it feels like I’m just chewing on Tic-Tacs. Without my husband’s unwavering support and flexible work hours, I honestly don’t know how I would manage motherhood.

Like most moms, I aspire to be the best parent I can for my son. We all want to be there for our kids, but when you’re battling a chronic disorder, being “at your best” can often feel out of reach. On those days when I can’t be present—when the best I can offer is retreating to bed—the guilt weighs heavy. My migraines often leave me feeling like a mother in title only, cranking my “Mom Guilt” meter up to eleven. They steal precious moments from my family. While I lie there, unable to move, I can hear my son and husband laughing, knowing I’m missing irreplaceable moments.

My husband does his best to support me, but the reality is that my severe migraines create tension between us. The state of my head often dictates whether we can enjoy a date night or if he can attend a long-planned social event. On days when migraine attacks take me down, he has to juggle both his responsibilities and mine, which inevitably leads to a mountain of guilt on my part.

I’m not the migraine-free woman he married, and I often feel like I’m failing at being a wife and mother. The pain of migraines looms large in my life, whether I’m dreading an attack or trying to stave one off. They prevent me from being fully present, robbing me of the ability to be the mother and spouse I strive to be. I’ve missed birthdays, vacations, Christmases, and anniversaries, all due to the relentless grip of chronic migraines.

Yet, I hold onto hope that one day I’ll find the right treatment or procedure. I’m even starting to see menopause as a potential relief! On the bright days, when I feel completely fine, I cling to those moments. I remember what life is like without pain, and those are the days that truly define me—not the ones spent sidelined, missing out on playtime with my son. As I continue to explore preventative measures and possibly become the only woman eagerly awaiting menopause, I focus on the little victories. Today, I was able to be a mother. Today, I shared laughter with my husband. Today, I wrote this piece. Today was a reminder that I am so much more than my migraines.

For those interested in more about pregnancy and home insemination, this is an excellent resource: Women’s Health – Infertility. If you’re looking for more information on home insemination kits, check out Make a Mom – Cryobaby Home Insemination Kit. And for more insights, you can visit Intracervical Insemination.

In summary, living with chronic migraines is an ongoing challenge that affects not just my health, but my role as a mother and partner. While the pain often overshadows my life, I strive to focus on the positive moments and hold onto hope for a future free from this burden.