Back in December, I made the bold decision to stop taking my anxiety and depression medication. This was partly due to a shift in insurance and a new doctor, but mostly because I thought I had life under control. When I first started on the meds, I was in a chaotic state—I was stressed, perpetually down, couldn’t catch a wink of sleep, and was just generally struggling. I desperately needed assistance.
Had I been single or even just married, I might have tried to “grin and bear it.” However, at that time, I had a feisty 2-year-old son and a spirited 3-year-old daughter who needed a mom who was fully present. They deserved a mother who didn’t drift into daydreams about how awful life could be or spiral into imaginary catastrophes. They needed the best version of me, and what I was offering them while unmedicated simply didn’t cut it.
After a year on the medication, I felt like I was getting my life back on track. I believed I could handle the chaos of motherhood, be a supportive friend, and be the loving wife my husband deserved—all without the need for medication. I thought I was ready to tackle life without my pills. Boy, was I mistaken.
For five grueling months, I pushed myself to be the person everyone needed me to be—the version I aspired to become. I wanted to see life clearly, devoid of the fog of anxiety and sadness. I had glimpses of good days and small victories, but as time dragged on, I found myself submerged under the relentless waves of anxiety and depression once more. I realized I couldn’t tough it out. I needed my medication again.
This realization hit me hard. I felt like a failure, like I was broken. I thought if I just tried harder, got more rest, or did things differently, I could be fine. I labeled myself weak and hopeless, convinced I’d never be who my family needed.
Now, after several weeks back on my meds, I’m here to debunk all those negative notions. The truth is, the only thing “off” about me is my mental health balance. My brain doesn’t function the same way others do, leading to real anxiety and depression. But this isn’t a flaw; it’s just part of who I am. Just as I have blue eyes and curly hair, I also have anxiety and depression—and that’s perfectly alright.
With many people feeling shamed for being on medication, let me be clear: taking medication makes me a better mom. It really does. It helps me manage my emotions. I can engage with my kids and be fully present rather than lost in worry. I can leap out of bed each morning, eager to teach, love, and cherish them. I don’t snap at them due to constant tension. I can breathe deeply and appreciate the whirlwind of parenting, knowing confidently that I’m the best mom they can have.
I wouldn’t wish anxiety or depression on anyone; it’s brutal and can be devastating. But if you find yourself struggling, seek help. People may pass judgment or express disappointment. Frankly, their opinions don’t matter one bit.
What truly counts is that mental health medication can empower you to become the person you long to be. It can help you feel whole. My medications are a true gift to me and my children, and I’ll stick with them for as long as I need to be the best mom possible. My kids deserve it. I deserve it. You deserve it, too.
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Summary
This article discusses the author’s journey with anxiety and depression, highlighting the importance of medication in being a better parent. The author candidly shares experiences of feeling inadequate without medication and emphasizes that seeking help is vital for those struggling with similar issues.