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Even When She’s Gone, Mom Still Knows Best
My mom passed away five years ago today. Each anniversary of her departure has left me grappling with the perplexing nature of time. I’ve shared these reflections for the past few years, always centering on my children because nothing heightens maternal instincts quite like grief and loss.
Time stops us in our tracks: my boys suddenly sprouting facial hair and growing into these muscular young men, while my teenage daughter is morphing into a captivating young woman (complete with — gasp! — boyfriends) amidst a whirlwind of activities that seem to multiply each year. If only we had a dollar for every friend who has said, “Where did the time go?” in response to a post or photo. That phrase is practically a daily mantra.
This year, however, I feel a shift. While I’m still astonished by how quickly time flies (yes, I’m still reeling that I can now legally share a drink with half of my kids), I’m finding myself less bogged down by the passage of time and more at peace with its presence. I actually enjoy knowing — and even not knowing — what’s ahead. This subtle change in perspective fills me with excitement and optimism for the future, even on the less-than-great days.
Graduations, college applications, engagements, new careers, and that stubborn boy finally getting his hair cut — life is brimming with remarkable moments and possibilities. It almost feels unfair not to embrace happiness. Honestly, if my mom ever sensed there was anything less than joy surrounding her grandkids, she’d be absolutely furious.
While I miss her deeply, I can’t let sadness linger for too long. That was never her style.
I think my change in perspective correlates with hitting 50 this year. Fifty. Holy moly, how did that happen? It feels surreal. I can still picture my shirt from high school that declares, “We work less and party more, ‘cause we’re the class of ‘84.” Turning 50 brings a lot of reflection. I recall throwing a surprise party for my mom’s 50th, cramming her friends into my tiny apartment and celebrating with a keg (even though she didn’t drink beer). She was thrilled but also a bit miffed that her new grandbaby didn’t make it to the party. Yet, she was surrounded by love, just as she always was.
During these anniversaries, I often think of the friends my mom left behind and feel profound sadness for their loss. I understand the void they must feel.
She taught me well. Like her, I’ve surrounded myself with friends who genuinely care for me, friends I’d do anything for in return. Many are just a phone call away, while others might require a quick car ride, or even a last-minute flight.
Growing up, I adored reading Erma Bombeck. During winter break of my senior year in college, I stumbled upon her column titled “No Greater Friend Than a Best Friend” in the New York Daily News. I clipped it out and sent it to my best friend, Jamie, whose friendship I’ve cherished since the fifth grade. Though we rarely lived in the same state, she held onto that column for nearly a decade before sending it back to me for my 30th birthday. I framed it and returned it to her for her 40th. Naturally, it found its way back to me a few months ago. It’ll hang on my wall for another 10 years — you get the idea.
How incredibly fortunate I am to have a friendship that has lasted 40 years. How wonderful for my mom to be a source of cherished memories for so many. And how amusing that my own kids didn’t plan my 50th celebrations? (Just kidding! It was all meticulously orchestrated by yours truly.)
I think about her daily, but today, I choose to honor her. You’re on so many minds today, Mom. Cheers to you and all the love you gave.
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Summary:
In a heartfelt tribute, Mia Thompson reflects on the five-year anniversary of her mother’s passing, sharing insights on the swift passage of time and the joy found in family milestones. While she feels her mother’s absence deeply, she embraces the memories and lessons learned, celebrating the friendships that have endured and the love that continues to surround her.