17 Indications That Fast Food is on Tonight’s Menu

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If there’s one thing that captures the essence of my parenting approach, it’s good intentions. Each morning, I’m filled with optimistic excitement, convinced that today will be the day I tackle my to-do list. Today’s the day I’ll scrub the bathroom, organize the fridge, and finally make that long-overdue dentist appointment. I envision myself embodying the perfect mom, channeling my inner Mary Poppins and managing to keep my cool with the kids — not a single raised voice.

I start the day with high hopes of whipping up healthy, mouthwatering meals for my family. They’ll be amazed by my culinary skills, begging me to audition for cooking shows like Chopped, and showering me with compliments on the wholesome feast I prepared with love. I might even whip up a double batch for lunch leftovers.

But then reality kicks in, and my good intentions crumble faster than a poorly made soufflé. What began as a hopeful idea quickly turns into a distant dream. At some point, I can almost see my motivation flying out the window because there’s no way I’m making anything homemade. Nope, not today. Here are a few telltale signs that tonight’s dinner will be fast food:

1. The vegetables in the crisper drawer are marinating in their own sad, slimy juices.
   I may have envisioned a healthy meal with rice and chickpeas, but instead, I’m looking at baby carrots and apple slices — both of which have seen better days.
2. A new toy from the latest Happy Meal has been released.
   A quick drive-thru stop is a small price to pay to quiet the relentless pleas for that shiny piece of plastic that will only end up lost somewhere in the minivan.
3. No one wants to deal with an irritable mom.
   At 5 p.m., my stomach is growling like a wild beast. It’s a definite “need carbs, ASAP” situation.
4. A tantrum derailed my grocery trip.
   I entered the store with a plan but left with a screaming child who was furious about not being allowed to lick the apples.
5. The last time I cooked was three nights ago.
   And I’m still feeling the effects of that marathon in the kitchen.
6. We’re in a laid-back groove.
   Whether we spent the day at the museum or just enjoyed a whine-free afternoon, no one wants to break that good vibe with dinner prep.
7. I’ve done enough adulting for the day.
   I got out of bed, showered, paid bills, and drove the kids around. That’s about all I can handle.
8. There’s a fine line between “charred” and “burned to a crisp.”
   We’ve definitely crossed that line.
9. Drive-thru it is.
   Going grocery shopping means leaving the car, putting on real pants, and saying “no” to my kids about 792 times regarding sugary cereal.
10. You actually need to be home to cook.
    Some days, I feel like I live in my car, shuttling kids from one activity to another. Until car manufacturers figure out how to install a microwave in the minivan, dinner isn’t happening.
11. Tablets at restaurants don’t count as screen time.
    What’s a mom to do when the kids have already maxed out their screen time by 10 a.m.? A trip to a chain restaurant with tablets at the table, of course!
12. The indoor play area almost counts as a park.
    There are slides, climbing walls, and it’s a great way for the kids to burn off energy while I scroll through Facebook — sort of like a day at the park, minus the flu germs.
13. My crockpot is still on the “off” setting.
    I chopped veggies, added rice, and poured in broth. I followed the recipe — except for that tiny detail of turning it on.
14. I’m honoring a promise.
    And by “promise,” I mean the bribe I gave the kids that if they didn’t fight, we’d hit McDonald’s. Since they are still breathing, it looks like we’re heading for Happy Meals.
15. Last I checked, you can’t make a meal from coffee, flour, and butter.
    That’s all I have in the pantry right now.
16. It’s Friday.
    Doesn’t TGIF stand for “Thank Goodness It’s Fast Food”?
17. I’m all out of cares.
    No further explanation needed.

Yes, I strive to teach my kids healthy eating habits and provide wholesome meals, but sometimes life gets in the way. Some days I plan to make nutritious meals, and other days we find ourselves at the drive-thru while I munch on hidden chocolate bars. Some may call it balance; I call it the reality of parenting.

And there’s always tomorrow.

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