You remember how your parents or teachers could quiet you with just a look? A perfectly timed eyebrow raise or a piercing glare, and you would freeze in your tracks. You’d drop whatever you were holding or halt mid-sentence before finishing that particularly cheeky word aimed at your sibling. That’s the power of the parent glare.
And then there’s the parent voice—how just a slight change in tone or emphasis from your mom could send chills down your spine. A simple utterance of your name from your dad could signal the end of fun. No shouting needed, just a calm, firm delivery. Those are essential skills every experienced parent should have in their toolkit. But they don’t come naturally; they require practice and time to master.
I’m still working on those skills. Entering nearly six years of parenthood with two kids, I should have this down by now. But guess what? I don’t. So, instead, I resort to a more primal method that doesn’t require much finesse: I yell—often.
It’s effective! Sure, it might make my son a little uneasy (and let’s be clear, Elmo also gives him the creeps). I’m not going all Sam Kinison on him, but a good bark now and then does the trick. Yes, I often end up feeling guilty about it, but when push comes to shove, it gets results.
I don’t want my son to be afraid of me. My goal is just to jolt him out of whatever silly stunt he’s up to—like head-butting his baby brother or jumping on me while I’m trying to enjoy a hot cup of coffee. At five years old, he often needs to be told things multiple times before he tunes in, and even then, many of his actions are purely instinctive. Five-year-olds lack foresight and impulse control. They are pure chaos, and sometimes, chaos needs to be reined in. A little yelling can help me regain control.
Are There Alternatives to Yelling?
Definitely! I mentioned the parent voice and glare earlier, but those techniques take years to perfect, and they’re not always practical when your child is a whirlwind of energy and noise. Sometimes you need to rise above the commotion to get through, and a well-timed shout can cut through the chaos.
But here’s the catch: if you rely on yelling too much, it can become mere background noise. I get that, and I want to avoid it. But I also want to prevent my son from injuring himself or others—or wreaking havoc on my belongings. With a five-year-old, sometimes you have to bring out the big guns. Until I can find a more effective method, raising my voice feels like my best option.
Right now, it’s a race against time—can I maintain the effectiveness of my yelling before my son learns to control himself a little better? Hopefully, he’ll start to understand the consequences of his actions soon so that I can save my yelling for those rare occasions when it’s truly necessary.
For now, I’ll keep making noise. My son might not like it, but it gets his attention—even if just for a moment. Sometimes, that’s all I need. After all, if I don’t yell, I’m just part of the background noise, and a dad has to do what a dad has to do.
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In summary, while yelling may not be the ideal approach, sometimes it’s the only tool we have to manage the chaos that comes with parenting young children.