There was a period in my life when friendships flourished all around me. I wouldn’t say I was “popular,” but it was quite normal to see a dozen friends sprawled out in a living room, filled with laughter and energy, wild ideas, and unfiltered joy. Organizing a hangout was as simple as shouting down the hall or hopping on my bike. The question, “What are you doing?” was met with a carefree “Nothing!”
Nowadays, that same question would trigger a mental checklist of chores and responsibilities. The thought of having “nothing” to do seems utterly laughable.
Spontaneity? What’s that anymore?
Meeting friends now requires meticulous planning—days, weeks, or even months in advance. Even then, it feels a bit chaotic and guilt-laden, as if we’re neglecting responsibilities just to grab some much-needed time with friends.
Friendship has morphed into something quieter, subtler, and deeper. And, in many cases, it’s challenging.
In our younger years, friendships were as effortless as a quick trip across the hall or a spontaneous call saying, “I’ve got snacks, I’m coming over.” Those days are missed dearly. I long for the long, meandering conversations that would stretch on for hours because we had no agenda. I miss casually borrowing clothes and beauty products, the standing dates to watch our favorite shows, and the simplicity of those friendships.
Now that our lives have expanded with partners and children depending on us, maintaining those friendships feels like an uphill battle. Last-minute gatherings aren’t an option when you have dinner on the stove, kids’ homework to tackle, and an early morning waiting for you.
As our friend circles shrink to accommodate our busy lives, they also evolve. We change as we grow, and life throws us a barrage of challenges. In the process, we become different individuals, our priorities shift, and we recognize that our old selves don’t define who we are or want to be anymore.
Our tolerance for superficiality diminishes, and we realize we have no space for fake friends. We crave genuine connections, and sometimes that realization leads to feelings of isolation—especially when those true friends aren’t just a hallway away anymore.
What I Truly Desire in Friendships
But you know what? I don’t desire a multitude of lukewarm companions.
I seek friends with whom I can share my tears, my fears, and my wildest dreams without judgment. I want friends who understand why I need to leave a gathering early without making me feel bad about it. I want those who remember my past but truly know me for who I am now.
I want friends who will be there when life gets messy or awkward, who notice when I go quiet because the weight of life feels too heavy to articulate. I want those who understand that a simple Peanut Butter Twix can make any day better. Friends who invite me (and my rambunctious kids) over for pizza when my partner is away.
I want friends who genuinely ask me how I’m doing, who will see through my “I’m fine” façade, and listen to my truth, just as I would for them. I want to share laughter and tears, to discuss the trials of raising tweens and teens, and have friends who get it when I say, “I cried in my car today.”
I want friends who can pick up my kids when I’m running late, who ask me to watch their pets while they’re away. Friends who send chocolates during tough times and those who can call me with news that shakes them. Friends who can enjoy a plate of nachos while we talk about life’s trivialities.
I want people who will steer me away from poor decisions but also join me on those wild adventures that might lead to regret if I don’t seize the moment. I crave friends who are genuine and truly care about my life because they know I care about theirs.
I’m done with half-hearted, insincere acquaintances. I want authenticity—nothing more, nothing less.
Further Reading
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In summary, as we navigate through life, our friendships evolve, and it becomes essential to prioritize those who are genuine and supportive rather than settling for mediocrity.