Updated: July 14, 2017
Originally Published: September 2, 2016
Parenting
Let’s dive into a topic that often gets brushed aside: the challenging kids. You know, the ones labeled as poorly behaved, overly demanding, or just plain hard to manage. These are the children who don’t always flash a friendly smile or rush to hug a new face. They definitely won’t just roll with the punches when tossed into unfamiliar situations.
Forget about that new brand of pizza you bought; they’re not going to touch it. And that new summer camp? Yeah, they’re probably not on board either. With nightmares, worries, and emotions that seem to spill out at the slightest provocation, these kids can often come across as anxious or even angry.
“Intense” is the perfect word for them.
I have two kids myself, and one of them fits this description to a T. Sure, everyone says, “My kid is tough too! They’re all tough!” But only parents with a strong-willed child like mine truly grasp the scenario.
Those of us in the trenches understand the heartache when our child doesn’t meet the expectations of family or friends:
- “Why didn’t he give me a high five right away?”
- “Why won’t she eat anything besides crackers today?”
- “There’s definitely something off with that kid.”
- “Why did he yell at me when I won the race?”
- “Why doesn’t she want to play with the dollhouse?”
- “If that kid just got a little discipline, he’d be fine.”
I’ve heard these kinds of comments about my spirited six-year-old — sometimes directly to me, other times whispered when they think I can’t hear. It’s draining, isolating, and frankly, hurtful.
I get it; these kids are intense. It’s not just an occasional tantrum or a bit of fussiness when hunger strikes. Children like my son have been emotionally charged almost from the moment they entered the world. I still recall the ultrasound technician chuckling at my little kicker during the scan!
Kids like my son can be demanding, tough to satisfy, and often anxious. The list goes on. But here’s the silver lining: they are still kids. If you take the time to look beyond their prickly exterior, you’ll find they have sweet hearts. Honestly, they aren’t spoiled, ignored, or overly praised.
I don’t think I did anything to “create” my son’s intensity — though I’ve certainly made my share of blunders. On good days, I affectionately call him my “grumpy old man,” and I find him charming and endlessly entertaining. Anyone who is willing to sit down and interact with him for more than three minutes will discover he’s a delightful little guy. He’s clever, engaging, affectionate, and absolutely hilarious.
To those who don’t have an intense, strong-willed child, I urge you to take a moment to appreciate the unique traits of kids like mine. Please withhold judgment and resist the urge to think there’s something wrong with them (or their parents). Understand that their initial protective demeanor isn’t personal; it’s something they’ve developed over time.
You might be surprised by what you discover. And let me assure you, your patience won’t go unnoticed by either the child or their parent. I can promise you that.
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In summary, let’s build a little more understanding and patience around our emotionally intense children. They may surprise you with their depth and affection when given the chance.