You know those little things that, while your logical brain insists aren’t significant, your inner fierce warrior just can’t let go of? Well, my inner fierce warrior has a hard time staying silent.
I’m aware that I’m cherished by my partner and our kids. I understand that I play a vital role in our family dynamics. From making lunches and helping the kids get ready for bed to cutting nails and assisting with teeth brushing (except after ice cream, of course), I know I contribute deeply. I manage laundry, school drop-offs and pickups, homework help, and create lasting memories with each of our children. These contributions, beyond just my love, define my role as a mother.
Our kids may refer to me as having three moms, sometimes even asking if they can call me “Mom” or mentioning “the other Mommy” when they need something and I’m not the one responding. They’ll tell their friends, “I can’t do that; my mom says no,” even when they know I’m the one they’re talking about.
But when your name is “Ella,” the outside world often misses the mark.
Even though I can remind myself that what truly matters is how my family sees me, my fierce warrior still feels the sting.
It’s tough when I hear, “Ella, can we play for five more minutes?” and onlookers assume I’m just a babysitter or a nanny. (Having to clarify that I was the nanny initially made that sting all the more real.) My fierce warrior blushes when I sign permission slips or call the school, only to have them double-check my authority because my name doesn’t match my partner’s or our children’s.
And don’t get me started on the puzzled looks I get when I want to attend parent-teacher conferences or medical appointments. I even feel a rush of indignation when someone gifts our child a shirt that says “Mommy Loves You.”
Guess what? Ella loves you too! But where are the shirts that say that?
Logically, I know it’s silly to get into a squabble with my partner over a “Mommy’s Little Angel” shirt for school. It’s not about denying her the chance to put our kids in silly outfits; it’s about the fact that I’ll never get that chance.
Of course, I recognize the countless opportunities I have as “Ella,” and I’m incredibly thankful for them. So, these fierce warrior moments are rare and fleeting. But I’d be lying if I said they don’t happen.
So, my dear children, years from now, if you want to deck out your graduation cap with “Ella Loves You” in puffy paint, I won’t stop you. My fierce warrior will cheer louder than you can imagine. And yes, it’ll likely embarrass you just as I always have—just as any mom would.
“A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.”
For more insights on the journey of parenthood and home insemination, check out our other posts, including this one on intracervical insemination and learn about the process. If you’re looking for a comprehensive guide on at-home insemination, Make a Mom is a fantastic resource. Additionally, for support and information on infertility, visit Mount Sinai’s resource page.
In summary, while I may not carry the title of “Mom” in the traditional sense, my love and contributions to our family are immeasurable. My inner fierce warrior may rise up at times, but the bond I share with my children is what truly defines my role.