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It’s Not About Whether Our Kids Are ‘Gifted’
My eldest son, Lucas, has always been a curious little soul. As a baby, he preferred listening to stories over crawling or climbing. By the time he was a toddler, he would spend hours identifying letters and numbers on flashcards. Fast forward to now—he’s 3, gearing up to start preschool, and he can tell you the difference between the Jurassic and Triassic periods, what great white sharks feast on, and he has very strong feelings about his favorite types of squid. Oh, and let’s not forget, he has a penchant for going pants-less about 75% of the time—because, well, he’s 3!
Of course, I think he’s brilliant—every parent believes their child is exceptional, right? Others have chimed in, suggesting he might be “advanced,” and honestly, that gives me a bit of a cringe. Here’s the reality: Maybe he is, maybe he isn’t, but in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn’t matter.
Yes, you heard me right. Take a deep breath and release those pearl-clutching vibes. I’m saying it doesn’t matter if my child is “gifted” or exceptionally intelligent. It doesn’t matter if yours are, either.
Many of us have memories from our school days, especially the time when they sorted out the “gifted and talented” kids. Those special few were thought to be so bright that they’d certainly find the standard curriculum dull and would be stifled by their average peers. It created a divide: the destined-to-succeed kids versus the rest of us.
But here’s the kicker: it didn’t make a difference. Now that we’ve all grown up, can you even recall who was in those special programs? If you do, you might see them on social media, living lives that are just as varied as anyone else’s. The so-called “gifted” individual could be out there curing diseases, or maybe they’re just chilling in their parents’ basement, lost in a video game. The labels we assigned in elementary school don’t predict success in adulthood, despite all the stress and hype we attached to them.
In fact, research shows that “gifted” students don’t necessarily perform better alongside other high achievers. In studies, those who qualified for gifted programs scored similarly to their peers who did not. So much for all the resources and efforts spent on distinguishing the gifted!
So, if I do consider Lucas to be “gifted,” what’s next? When he hits high school, will he still need to study for exams to earn that coveted “A”? Will he still need to slog through classics like Beowulf? And if he doesn’t get into a top university, should I pen a furious letter to the admissions office about his early knowledge of pterodactyls versus pteranodons?
Then there’s my daughter, Mia, who just turned 1. She can’t recite the alphabet yet; her current interests include snacking on dog food and testing the waters of the toilet. Maybe she’s gifted, maybe she’s not. Who knows? She’s 1!
Honestly, it seems unfair to treat one child differently than the other based on some perceived notion of intelligence. We want to ensure both kids have the same opportunities and encouragement. If one dreams of attending an Ivy League school, we’ll do everything possible to support that. If the other wants to be a sign-twirler for a furniture store, we’ll cheer them on to be the best sign-spinner around!
The National Association for Gifted Children advocates for learning that suits a child’s unique abilities and learning style. But really, shouldn’t that principle apply to every child? Whether a child is struggling or is simply bored in class, both educators and parents should work together to foster an environment where they can thrive. Every child, regardless of their background, can succeed if given the right opportunities.
I genuinely believe that hard work trumps intelligence, and that’s what we’ll emphasize with our kids. Instead of saying, “You’re so smart,” I’ll make a point to say, “You really worked hard on that!” After all, intelligence is largely a product of luck, so why should we praise it more than the effort they put into their achievements?
I often hear parents subtly bragging about their toddler’s milestones while others fret about whether their kids are keeping pace. To both groups, I say this with love: It doesn’t matter. Your attentiveness is a sign of your dedication as a parent, and that will undoubtedly give your children the best chance at success.
Every child is uniquely gifted, and that’s why every parent sees their child as special. So, let’s focus on celebrating their individual talents rather than making distinctions about who is “gifted.”
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Summary
This article emphasizes that whether a child is labeled as “gifted” or not doesn’t determine their potential for success. Instead, fostering hard work and providing equal opportunities is crucial for all children. Every child has unique talents, and as parents, our focus should be on encouraging their individual journeys rather than getting caught up in labels.