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To the Incredibly Competent Moms
I’m penning this note to express my heartfelt gratitude for all that you’ve done for my kids—and me. Honestly, it feels like you’ve rescued my children from the clutches of my clueless parenting style, which is a relief since I can only imagine the chaos that would have ensued had I continued down that road.
Before your sage advice, I was blissfully unaware of just how much I was fumbling in my parenting journey. Take, for instance, that moment you spotted me giving my little one a bottle and gently reminded me that “breast is best.” I had no idea! My baby looked perfectly fine on the outside—well-fed, healthy, and happy. But thanks to your input, I now understand I might have been unknowingly fueling him with a concoction of chemicals. Who knew?
And that Facebook post you shared about the mom who sat on the bench glued to her phone while her kids played? It hit me hard. I was doing the exact same thing! You made me realize that I should put my phone down and observe every little adventure my kids embark on. What if they fell? What if I missed a precious milestone? I can’t believe I ever thought it was okay to check my messages while my little ones were playing. How selfish of me!
Your disapproving expression when I offered my kids Goldfish crackers during our playdate was another eye-opener. You schooled me on the merits of an organic, raw vegan diet, and I now realize that I could have easily turned my kids into junk food aficionados. Thank goodness you were there to enlighten me.
Then there’s the whole screen time debacle. I had no idea allowing my children to watch two episodes of their favorite show or spend a half-hour on the iPad could lead them down a path of brain rot. I shudder to think of the future where they might be living in my basement, staring blankly at a screen at 35. Thanks for steering me away from that!
I’m also grateful for the tales of your kids being potty trained at 16 months, devouring Dostoyevsky, and conversing in Mandarin by age two. I would have assumed my kids were just fine as they were. Now, I can devote my time to addressing their “shortcomings” and seeking professional help.
In short, without your guidance, I might have remained blissfully ignorant about my less-than-stellar parenting. Even though I never asked for your advice, you generously offered it because that’s what amazing moms like you do. Know better, do better, right?
Thank you for awakening me to my perceived failures as a mother. Who knows what kind of Cheetos-loving monsters my kids would have become without your intervention?
Warmly,
Me
P.S. If you’re curious about other parenting insights, check out this link for more! And for those interested in home insemination resources, this site is an excellent authority on the topic. For pregnancy advice, I highly recommend visiting the CDC’s pregnancy page.
Summary
This humorous letter thanks experienced moms for their unsolicited but valuable parenting advice, highlighting the author’s past parenting missteps and newfound awareness. It emphasizes the importance of guidance in parenting and encourages readers to explore related resources on home insemination and pregnancy.