On a stunning September morning 17 years ago, I found myself at the back of a grand cathedral, clad in an ivory gown, nervously gazing down the aisle. As my dad offered me his arm and the familiar wedding hymn filled the air, I floated down the white aisle runner, hoping I wouldn’t take a tumble in front of our guests. The fragrance of fresh roses and sunflowers wafted around me as I approached the altar and locked eyes with him. In that moment, calm washed over me, and I knew we would tackle the world together. When he lifted my veil, tears brimming in his eyes, he simply said, “You’re stunning.” Surrounded by the warm smiles of our loved ones, we vowed to love, cherish, and honor each other in marriage.
That memory is just one of countless moments from our days as “The Old Us” — the version of ourselves before mortgages, college funds, and two kids took center stage. Back when we were those two young souls at the altar—me with stretch marks and C-section scars, and him sporting much less hair. It was a time before life became so hectic that our dinner conversations revolved around soccer schedules, teacher meetings, and the air conditioning unit gasping its last breath.
The Old Us was spontaneous, romantic, and full of passion. The New Us? Well, we’ve settled into a routine—affectionate, sure, but often too exhausted for anything but binge-watching House Hunters on HGTV.
The gradual unraveling of The Old Us was subtle. Initially, a new job in a new town filled our lives with excitement. Our first home was a delightful chaos of renovations, and weekends were spent sweating over landscaping projects together. In those early years, we were busy, but we were together.
Then came the kids. And the noise. And the sleepless nights. Our lives became a whirlwind of “Can you change the diaper?” and “Crap, we’re out of diapers—your turn to run to the store.” Our children devoured the little energy we had, and at the end of long days, we’d collapse on the couch, wondering what The Old Us would think of our new reality. Exhausted, yes, but still together.
Over the years, glimpses of The Old Us have shone through during anniversaries and holidays. Romantic moments, stolen late-night chats amidst bad dreams and requests for water, and simple acts of kindness reminded us of the promises we made long ago. Often, we felt like two ships passing in the night, wistfully wishing we could drop anchor and share a moment of companionable silence. As our kids grow older, it’s become easier to reconnect, but rediscovering our romantic selves remains a challenge. With our time with children in our home quickly dwindling, we’ve realized we need to dust off The Old Us sooner rather than later.
But can we truly return to The Old Us when the kids head off to college? When the last box is unloaded at the dorm and we drive home to our empty nest, will we look at each other and struggle to find words? Recently, my husband and I recognized that if we want our marriage to thrive, we must start now—while our kids are still here. We’re working on shifting our focus back to one another and reigniting The Old Us. Here’s what that looks like:
- Sneaking out for a cocktail hour on a random Tuesday, leaving the teens behind—they probably won’t even notice.
- Meeting for lunch while the kids are in school and implementing a “no kid talk” rule. Tough, but rewarding.
- Finding new hobbies that spark engaging conversations. (Thanks, Hamilton: An American Musical.)
- Realizing that dinner can wait while we sip wine on the patio, sharing stories from our workdays.
- Having real conversations about our retirement plans and working together to make that beach house dream a reality.
- Reaching for each other’s hands and feeling the deep bond that’s carried us through sleepless nights, colic, and teenage drama.
- Accepting that we’re both equal parts excited and scared about revisiting The Old Us.
- Acknowledging that we’ve grown older, but we’re still here together, battle scars and all.
On the day we said “I do,” our love was fresh and unmarred by time. While I long for the couple we were—The Old Us—I also feel a twinge of pity for them. They didn’t yet understand the beauty of shared worries about our kids, holding each other close when life throws curveballs, or making up after heated arguments. The Old Us had no clue that nothing is sweeter than when your husband gazes at you, hair in a messy bun and dressed in comfy yoga pants, amidst the chaos of nightly routines and a barking dog and sincerely says, “You’re beautiful.”
We may be older now, but we’re together, and I’m eager to reunite with The Old Us. It’s been too long.
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Summary
In this heartfelt reflection, Jamie Parker reminisces about the transformation of her marriage from the carefree days of “The Old Us” to the chaotic yet fulfilling life of “The New Us.” Through shared challenges, parenting, and the passage of time, the couple has drifted but is working to rekindle their connection. They explore ways to reignite their romance while navigating the demands of family life, all while acknowledging the growth they’ve experienced together.