When I first embarked on my parenting journey, I was armed with a backpack overflowing with lofty ideals—how I envisioned myself as a mom, the immaculate state of my home, the lessons my kids would learn, and their impeccable behavior. As an idealist, it’s no wonder that my pack was so packed at the beginning. What’s truly shocking is how light it has become after 16 years.
Like many expectant moms, I dove into parenting advice, exploring various philosophies and gathering ideas like a squirrel hoarding nuts for winter. I prepared for motherhood like I was gearing up for a challenging hike through uncharted territory—consulting guidebooks, chatting with seasoned adventurers, and mapping out my route. It seemed wise to be ready.
I stuffed my pack with all the ideal elements of motherhood and set off, eyes bright with hope. But it didn’t take long to realize that I might have gone overboard. My bag was cumbersome, and several of those ideals turned out to be completely impractical. So, I began to lighten my load. The notion of having my baby sleep in her own crib? Out the window! Establishing a rigid schedule? Bye-bye! Keeping my home spotless? Gone in a flash. One by one, I discarded the ideals that didn’t mesh with reality, weighed me down, or served no purpose.
As I continued on my parenting path, I discovered that life throws curveballs you simply can’t prepare for. Sudden storms—like toddler tantrums—could strike without warning, and I had to scramble for shelter. Sometimes I stumbled and fell, getting scraped and bruised, yet still needed to keep moving forward. Other times, I found myself lost in the woods after joining a moms group full of Pinterest-perfect parents, wandering in circles. I learned that sometimes, when you’re teetering on the edge, you have to lighten your pack even more.
Throughout this journey, I’ve watched countless parenting ideals crash and burn. I remember swearing with my first child that I would never use the TV as a babysitter—how lazy, right? Fast forward three years, and our daughter was waking up at the crack of dawn, eager to greet the day. After years of sleep deprivation, I decided that a little Tae Bo video was worth an extra 45 minutes of shut-eye.
I bid farewell to so many ideals. The rule of no TV before age three? Ha! No artificial colors or hydrogenated oils? Adios! Growing our own food in an organic garden? Not happening! And never losing my cool with the kids? Let’s just say that ideal took a tumble down the mountain.
The truth is, idealism and parenting don’t mix well—like oil and water. You can stir them together for a while, but they never truly blend. As I added more children to the mix, ideals that once seemed useful became cumbersome. By the time my third child arrived, my backpack was nearly empty.
Initially, letting go of those ideals felt unsettling. You know that feeling when you try to pack lightly and worry about forgetting something crucial? Carrying fewer ideals came with a sense of loss, as if I were losing a protective shield. However, now that I carry so few, I feel liberated by the lightness of my load.
I’m still on this journey, but real-life experiences have equipped me with strength, stamina, and wisdom. I’ve learned that ideals aren’t always ideal, especially when navigating parenting’s unknowns. Wandering through this wilderness has granted me the confidence to face challenges head-on, to adapt, and to navigate like a pro.
Inexperienced travelers often carry too much. I don’t regret my initial overpacking or the ideals I’ve jettisoned along the way. I do sometimes wish I’d realized sooner that I was making the journey tougher by holding onto that weight, but that’s all part of the adventure.
We mothers learn as we go. As we traverse this ever-evolving landscape, we discover what to keep and what to toss. Letting go of ideals allows us to focus more on the scenery and the journey rather than the burdens on our shoulders. This lightness grants us agility, leaving us with only the ideals that truly matter.
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Summary:
In the journey of motherhood, the author reflects on how her initial ideals have been shed over the years, highlighting the impracticality of many parenting expectations. As she navigates the unpredictable terrain of raising children, she embraces the lightness of her pack, focusing on what truly matters.