Embracing the Ups and Downs: Why Allowing Our Kids to Take Risks is Essential

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A few weeks back, my eldest daughter took a leap—literally—by going skydiving with her friends. As she jumped out of a perfectly functional plane, my husband and I were two hours away, anxiously refreshing our phones for updates on her safe landing.

Welcome to the wild ride of parenting! The moment I became a parent, my focus shifted entirely to ensuring the safety of my little one. Ironically, it didn’t take long for my kids to discover thrilling new ways to put themselves in harm’s way.

I made all the classic moves: childproofing outlets, installing car seats, locking up cleaning supplies, and having “the talk” about everything from online safety to drugs. Yet, they still managed to accumulate broken bones, dented cars, and questionable choices. From their first wobbly steps (which led directly into the coffee table) to the scraped knees from their bike mishaps, it often felt like I was running after them, wrapping them in bubble wrap—only for them to tear it off and make a bonfire.

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There was a time I put my three-month-old down for a nap, grabbed the baby monitor, and went upstairs to paint. My husband popped in for lunch, said hi, and left, unaware that when the baby stirred, I’d find myself locked in. Panic set in as I realized I was stuck, my baby unreachable and no phone in sight. I considered how many bones I might break if I jumped out the window. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t work like the movies. Thankfully, a nearby teenager playing basketball came to my rescue, despite clearly not having received the “Stranger Danger” memo from his parents.

This same child had locked herself in her room as a toddler, leading to a heart-wrenching moment of me frantically searching for the key while my fingers touched hers through the door. The helplessness of not being able to reach your child is deeply agonizing.

Talk to any parent of a child with chronic illness watching their little one wheeled off for another procedure, or those who face endless bureaucratic red tape in adoption. Or parents who share custody with an irresponsible or abusive ex. It’s all part of the parenting journey, and yet, none of us really grasp the full scope when we eagerly choose to become parents.

A friend recently dropped her kid off at college and expressed her worries about being far away. I totally relate; my own daughter is set to study abroad next semester, and I can’t help but feel those twinges of anxiety—especially with recent news from cities like Paris and Brussels. But I remind myself, that’s just fear talking. “Love is what we’re born with,” says Marianne Williamson. “Fear is what we learn here.”

Parenting is fundamentally about navigating risks. From the moment they arrive, we engage in a delicate balancing act: keeping them close while also letting them explore. The ultimate goal? To eventually set them free.

To be completely honest, I grew up in the ’70s and ’80s when kids rode bikes helmet-free for miles and drank straight from the garden hose. I wholeheartedly support barefoot runs, tree climbing, and even the occasional “Swing higher, Daddy!” Yes, there are moments of sheer panic as a parent when it feels impossible to protect your child from every misstep. Did we really think parenting would only be sunshine and rainbows? We can’t obsess over safety in a world that thrives on fear. When did failure become such a dirty word? In reality, failure is often the best teacher.

The beautiful side of risk is where personal growth, creativity, and authentic connections thrive. Sometimes we need to let go of the bike and stop running behind them. Honestly, I’m too old for that! And parenting should never revolve around my fears—it’s about their journey.

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In summary, while the path of parenting is fraught with worries and challenges, allowing kids to take risks is essential for their growth and independence. Embracing failure and learning experiences leads to a richer life filled with connection and creativity. So, let’s take a deep breath and allow our children the freedom to explore.