I’ve reached a crucial point in our relationship, and I feel compelled to share my thoughts with you. Your requests for me to join you at the gym and your remarks about my eating habits have been weighing heavily on my heart. I’ve tried to be understanding, but today, I need to express my truth.
I want you to know that my relationship with food is anything but typical. I hope you can take the time to process this, and I’m open to discussing it, but I can’t keep explaining myself indefinitely. At some point, I need you to embrace this aspect of me.
Despite how it may seem, I don’t need you to oversee my health. I understand your intentions stem from love, wishing for a long life together, especially for our future children. However, I’m thriving, and my health has shown no signs of imminent danger. My immune system is robust, and I navigate my life with ease.
When you express concerns about my health or urge me to be fit, I find myself feeling pressured rather than motivated. Your words, intended to encourage, often trigger me instead. If you’re unsure what I mean by triggers, I’m more than willing to explain.
For example, when you suggest I participate in a diet like Whole30, I don’t need to hear how beneficial it is. The excitement I feel is not about health; it’s about slipping back into old habits. My mind races to extremes, thinking of how to push the limits and control what I consume. While you worry that my weight might lead to health issues, my fear lies in the dieting itself, as a doctor once advised me against it.
An eating disorder is fundamentally a mental health issue, and while you may see me as a large person, you cannot comprehend the journey I’ve traveled. I now cherish the peace I’ve found around food. At 200 pounds, I’m liberated from my past fears—freedom from mayonnaise, pizza, and even ice cream. It’s a revelation to enjoy meals without guilt.
I can engage in conversations around the dinner table instead of obsessing over the last piece of bruschetta. I can dance and walk without counting calories. I wake up without the anxiety of ruining a diet because I’m not on one. I can relish in the joy of eating, and that’s a remarkable feeling.
What I cannot endure is restriction. I cannot accept your comments about my eating habits or feel insecure beside someone who doesn’t appreciate every part of me. If you cannot embrace all 200 pounds of me, then I fear you cannot accept any part of me.
I have never been a small person. I’ve always had a vibrant personality, and I’ve grown to love that about myself. Yet, I’ve faced pressure to conform and shrink, which I did for years. I was thin, but I was also unwell, both physically and mentally.
I would rather remain at this weight, embracing my body as it is, than to live in fear of the food I eat. I would choose to be single than to fit into a societal mold that defines success by size. My journey has taught me that recovery and self-acceptance are far more valuable than fitting a narrow definition of beauty.
For years, I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, constantly trying to change it. Now, I feel at home within my body. I love how it supports me, even after enduring the struggles I’ve faced. When I look in the mirror, I feel relief, while you may see someone who lacks self-care. We must find common ground to move forward.
I have a beautiful, resilient body full of strength, sexuality, and power. If you cannot accept all 200 pounds of me, then I’m afraid we cannot have a future together. It has taken me years to feel whole again, and I refuse to compromise that.
With love,
Your wonderfully large partner, embracing every fabulous inch of me.
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In summary, embracing my entire self is essential for our relationship to thrive. I’m dedicated to cherishing who I am, and I invite you to join me in celebrating that journey.