Parenting
Today, I absolutely lost my cool with my 4-year-old daughter—my sweet little girl who showers me with hugs and sweet nothings, who won’t let me swat a fly, who spends her afternoons crafting colorful drawings of me with crayons, and who insists that “sparkle” is her favorite color.
She had been under the weather for two days with a nasty cold and was up at 5 a.m. this morning because she couldn’t breathe. By noon, I sensed she needed a nap, and I was practically begging her to sleep so I could finally tackle my work.
My partner had been putting in long hours all week, I had barely slept, and deadlines were looming. I was cranky, and so was she. I needed her to nap.
And of course, she refused. She fought against it with every ounce of energy she had left, snot flying as she protested.
I tried everything—shushing her, spinning tales, rocking her like a baby. But sleep was not in her agenda.
Then I snapped. I yelled. I cursed. I placed her down onto the bed with more force than I intended, frustration pulsing through me.
I’m usually not like this. I generally keep my temper in check. Sure, I get upset and raise my voice occasionally, but I manage to maintain control most of the time.
I know that parents aren’t perfect, and I hate when I see someone lose their cool in front of their kids. I witnessed it often in my own childhood and promised myself I wouldn’t repeat that cycle. Seeing another parent lash out makes my stomach turn.
And now, I was that parent.
My daughter immediately began to cry, trembling. “I’m sorry, Mommy. I’m so sorry,” she sobbed.
She buried her head in my shoulder, and it struck me how she still trusted me with her feelings despite my outburst. But that only intensified my guilt. I felt a whirlwind of lingering anger and overwhelming shame for having lashed out at my child.
I apologized repeatedly. She accepted my apology and soon drifted off to sleep against me.
As I held her limp body in my arms, I let out a massive sigh. The anger and frustration vanished, leaving me with only sadness and shame. I found myself crying into her hair, whispering, “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I’m really, really sorry.”
Even hours later, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had done something unforgivable, no matter how I tried to rationalize it.
Why do we parents put ourselves through this?
Sure, there are parents out there who genuinely deserve guilt and shame for how they treat their children. Emotional and physical abuse is never something to take lightly—not for a second.
Even in situations where abuse isn’t present, maintaining a calm and peaceful home environment is crucial. It’s essential to practice self-care and mindfulness to avoid taking out frustrations on your kids.
I believe children can sense that kind of tension and absorb it into their little, sponge-like hearts. We should always strive to be gentle with them.
But I also think many of us are far too hard on ourselves. Practicing gentle or mindful parenting doesn’t guarantee perfection. We will all make mistakes along the way—it’s part of the parenting journey.
Here’s the deal: If you’re even contemplating these issues—if you’re making an effort to be kind and considering your children’s feelings—you’re already ahead of the game.
It’s not about one bad day; it’s about the overall trust and love you’ve built with your children over time. Once you establish that trust, it’s tough to break. Your kids will surprise you with their capacity to forgive, leaving you in awe of their big hearts.
So, do yourself a favor: If you ever lose your temper (and trust me, you will), take a deep breath, apologize, embrace their forgiveness, and move forward. There’s no room for self-loathing or guilt; you’ve got beautiful souls to nurture.
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Summary
Losing your temper as a parent is a part of the journey, and it’s important to forgive yourself. We all have moments of frustration, and the key is to focus on the overall love and trust you’ve built with your children. Apologize, embrace their forgiveness, and move forward. You’re doing your best, and that’s what matters.