Your cart is currently empty!
I’m a Rules Enthusiast — Just Go With It
Parenting
I’m a total rules enthusiast. I thrive on the structure and clear expectations they provide, helping me navigate the chaos and overwhelm that often comes with being a parent. Establishing and adhering to guidelines that align with my parenting philosophy, beliefs, and some common sense has been my lifeline in motherhood. Knowing what to do in various situations keeps me grounded.
When things get chaotic, I stick to my rules. Is the baby crying uncontrollably? Nurse, burp, swaddle, sway, and repeat. Is your preschooler resisting bedtime? Explain the meaning of exhaustion and let them stay up with a light on, surrounded by books, as long as they can manage it. Is your fifth-grader ignoring homework? No screen time until it’s completed. If the little one has been waking up with nightmares, it’s time to wake your partner; they know it’s their turn. My rules are the backbone of my parenting, so don’t even think about messing with them.
Easier said than done, right? I’ve got three girls aged 5, 11, and 14. The age differences alone mean I have to tailor rules for each kid, and someone is always pushing the boundaries. One needs reminders about screen time limits, while the other requires (firm but calm) nudges to communicate respectfully. My 5-year-old needs rules for every little thing: “No, you can’t use permanent markers on the walls, and yes, you must take a bath tonight since you skipped it last time.” I firmly believe that setting boundaries is how kids learn to care for themselves and to be safe, kind, honest, and respectful.
My daughters know what I expect from them and understand the consequences when they don’t meet those expectations. More importantly, I know what they expect from me. They rely on my consistency regarding requests and values. They anticipate that I will clearly communicate what is right or wrong, safe or dangerous, and kind or unkind. That said, I wish I could tell you my kids follow the rules with joyful smiles and skips in their steps, but that would be downright creepy and a total fib (no lying; it’s one of our rules).
I don’t impose arbitrary rules just to frustrate my kids or ones that lack logic. However, that doesn’t mean they don’t break them. When they do, things can get a bit chaotic for me. Besides facing the consequences I’ve attached to rule-breaking, I often feel off-kilter. I start to question my parenting choices and wonder if I’m being too strict. This usually happens with my teenager, whose defiance leaves me feeling dizzy and confused. It seems that the rules I carefully crafted over the years—designed to protect her and teach her how to be a good person—are losing their effectiveness. Instead, she challenges my reasoning, pushes boundaries, and stubbornly defends her stance.
Why does she have to go to bed at 10 p.m. when she says she’s not tired and has another hour of homework? While her request isn’t unreasonable, should she be allowed to change or ignore the rules? If she does choose to ignore them, should I impose a consequence, or is the fatigue she’ll experience the next day punishment enough? It’s clear that what she values more than avoiding consequences is being heard. I admire her determination and willingness to voice her thoughts, even if it disrupts my comfort zone. I don’t want to force her to comply just because those are the rules; I want her to act according to her values because she chooses to, because it reflects who she is, and because I’ve raised her to be a good human.
Could it be that the rules need some updating? The fact that I’m even contemplating this makes me uneasy. I’m not ready to loosen or renegotiate the rules that have guided my motherhood for so long. If the rules change, it means I won’t be as in control as I once was, and it also indicates that my daughter is reaching a stage where she may not need me as much. As bittersweet as this realization is, I understand my girl must grow up and eventually create her own set of rules. This is merely the beginning.
For now, though, there are still plenty of rules this rules enthusiast mom is willing to enforce: no cleats on the hardwood floors, no R-rated movies, no boys in the room, don’t touch my desk, and yes, we must kiss each other goodnight no matter what. Why? Because I love you…and rules.
This article was originally published on Oct. 15, 2016. For more insightful tips on parenting and home insemination, check out this blog post on intracervicalinsemination.com and for more information on home insemination kits, visit makeamom.com. Additionally, Progyny offers excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, being a rules enthusiast can help create order in the often chaotic world of parenting. While it can be challenging to adapt as your children grow and push boundaries, maintaining clear expectations helps foster a sense of security and understanding. Balancing authority with listening to your kids is key to navigating the complexities of motherhood.