To the Mom Who Struggles with the Teen Years

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Every stage of childhood brings its unique challenges. You navigate the sleepless nights of newborns, the clumsy steps of infancy, the energetic chaos of toddlerhood, the whirlwind of early childhood, and the rollercoaster ride of the tween years. Finally, just when you think you’re overdue for a breather, you find yourself knee-deep in the teenage phase.

“It’s so fantastic!” they all say. “They’re so independent! They sleep in! They can cook for themselves! They even do their own laundry! And the best part? Their personalities really shine!”

Sounds idyllic, right? Well, not for everyone, including yours truly. I wish I could say I was thoroughly enjoying this unpredictable whirlwind I’ve come to call adolescence (or as I like to think of it, “hormonal chaos with a side of attitude”), but let me tell you, I’m not.

To say this phase is challenging would be an understatement. For many of us, it’s a time when we thought we’d finally get a bit of a break. Teenagers, after all, require less adult supervision, right? Wrong. Instead, you’re left with a headache that starts at age 13 and doesn’t let up until they finally pack their bags and leave. Those years you once eagerly anticipated? Turns out, you’d prefer to fast forward through them.

And guess what? It’s perfectly okay if you don’t cherish this stage of parenting. Just as some moms dread the newborn phase while others adore it, some moms thrive in the teenage years, embracing their child’s ever-changing moods and personalities, while others find it a struggle. I’m definitely in the latter camp.

For me, the teen years hit harder than unexpected homework assignments. One moment, I had a sweet, innocent child, and the next, I was negotiating with a mini-tyrant who seemed to have taken up residence in my home. Friends with teenage daughters echo my sentiments: one day, they’re the epitome of sweetness, and the next, they’re channeling their inner diva. And guess who’s holding the bag? You guessed it—us moms.

Whether you’re parenting a boy or a girl, the teenage years are not for the faint-hearted. If you find yourself reminiscing about the simpler days when a nap and a lollipop could fix most problems, know that you’re not alone. Many of us are grappling with the tumultuous nature of these years, feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. You’re not a bad mom if this teenage phase isn’t your favorite. I promise, even if you’re struggling, you’re still more than capable of raising decent teenagers while sometimes wishing you could escape to a deserted island.

I’ve survived one, I’m almost through with number two, and I’m determined to make it through my third and fourth rounds of teenage turmoil, even if I don’t love every minute of it (because let’s be honest, I won’t). I refuse to feel guilty for not wanting to snuggle up with the moody stranger who has taken over my son’s personality or for barely getting a word out of him in weeks. If there’s one lesson I’ve learned about parenting teens, it’s not to take their behavior personally. Your adorable child is still in there, hiding beneath the layers of sarcasm. Trust me—they will resurface.

Mine returned a few weeks after heading off to college. The same kid who once claimed he didn’t need a mom suddenly became a young man who did. And let me tell you, that feeling makes up for all the teenage angst and drama I endured. It’s truly one of the best feelings in the world.

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In summary, the teen years can be a whirlwind of emotions and challenges. While some may love this stage, it’s completely normal to find it difficult. Remember, you’re not alone, and your resilient spirit will guide you through.