“What letter is this?” I ask my newly 5-year-old, Max. He squints at it, his little nose crinkling in concentration.
“E!” he declares proudly, before going back to his toys.
“That’s actually a Z, buddy,” I reply. “The last letter of the alphabet.” You’d think that would be a big deal.
“Okay, Mom,” he says, clearly uninterested.
Meanwhile, I sit down with my 7-year-old, Leo. We crack open a copy of Alice in Wonderland and take turns reading paragraphs. Sure, he stumbles over some words, but he’s pretty good at sounding them out. It’s funny how he makes more mistakes with familiar words than with new ones. We’ve already zipped through Peter Pan. I’m all about providing kids with great literature, and I strive to find books that match Leo’s skill level and attention span.
But then there’s Max. Leo was identifying letters by age three, thanks to a Starfall obsession that had him rattling off letter sounds like a pro. Max, on the other hand, clearly has more exciting things to do. I’ve tried every trick in the book to help him learn his letters. We’ve used letter stamps, created crafts, and even tackled Getting Ready for the Code. When that didn’t pan out, we reverted to Hooked on Phonics — and each day included some creative project. We fashioned insects out of pipe cleaners and googly eyes, traced letters with buttons, and made gigantic octopi wearing hats (hello, letter O). We even read every alphabet book I could get my hands on.
And yet… nothing stuck. Every day felt like starting from scratch. While Leo zoomed through Frog and Toad and approached chapter books, my youngest didn’t even recognize the letter A, let alone the sound it makes or how to spell his name.
After all the crafts, songs, videos, and my endless worrying, I finally took a deep breath and accepted where Max is at. Kids grow at different rates, and my boys are living proof of that. Leo is a bit of an oddity, but it used to be normal for kids to enter kindergarten without knowledge of the alphabet. I remember singing songs about “Mr. M with the munching mouth” to help other kids learn letter sounds. In Finland, they don’t even start teaching kids to read until they’re 7, yet they rank sixth in the world for reading according to the latest PISA report. So I remind myself that Max is right on track for his age group.
It’s only recently that we’ve started expecting kids to know how to read before kindergarten. Preschool is where the reading begins, and it’s often less about play and more about letters and simple words (think -at and -ot). This mindset is one of the reasons we decided to homeschool: early childhood should be about exploration, not sitting still at a desk. Max didn’t attend preschool; instead, he spent his days building forts with his brothers, engaging in imaginative play, and getting read to. If Finland has taught us anything, it’s that this kind of play is exactly what he needs.
Whenever I feel hopeless, I think of a friend whose radical unschooling approach led him to reading only at age 10. He eventually taught himself using Charles Dickens and now works in his dream field after succeeding in higher education.
Max is beginning to come around! We finally discovered a reading program that clicks with him, and he’s made it through the first five letters of the alphabet. He can consistently identify them and produce their sounds. At his current pace, he might know them all in about two months. After that, the program will start focusing on sounds. I suspect I won’t be able to kick off a structured reading program — like blending sounds into words — until he turns 6.
He might be the last reader in his homeschooling group, but I’m confident he’ll catch up. Late bloomers often end up doing just as well as early readers. Sure, I feel the pressure from family to see him learn more, especially when I tell anyone outside the homeschooling community that he doesn’t know his letters. But he’s perfectly fine with it. Sometimes, it’s really just me who needs to breathe deeply.
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In summary, every child develops at their own pace, and it’s important to embrace those differences. Whether it’s letters, reading, or any other milestone, kids will get there in their own time.