Your cart is currently empty!
As a Father Who Finds it Tough to Show Emotion, I Aspire for More for My Son
I work within a Division I athletics program, a realm that often embodies traditional masculinity. Here, everyone is expected to be tough, and the prevailing mindset is to tackle problems head-on. Push harder. Show no weakness. That’s the culture. The student-athletes I encounter are between the ages of 18 and 22. They may be big, strong, or incredibly fast, but one of the most significant challenges we face—especially with male athletes—is addressing issues related to mental health, like depression. Sometimes, it’s essential to acknowledge that powering through isn’t an option. Homesickness, feelings of inadequacy, and the overwhelming nature of college life can weigh heavily.
Over the last couple of years, I’ve caught wind of a few suspected suicide attempts among young athletes. The thought that my son will soon be in the same age group as the students I work with fills me with dread. I want him to understand that it’s perfectly acceptable for a man to express emotion. Crying is not a sign of weakness; it’s a natural response. Seeking help is not only okay—it’s necessary.
That said, I’m not one to shed tears easily; in fact, I’ve often felt that crying is a taboo subject. There have been moments when I should have cried but couldn’t bring myself to do it. Even when I feel the familiar tightness in my chest, the trembling in my hands, or that lump in my throat, the tears just don’t flow. This struggle to express my emotions is something many men face, as we’re often taught to construct impenetrable walls around our feelings.
While I’m not entirely sure what this means for my emotional health, I can’t help but believe that it’s not ideal. I don’t want this unexpressed emotional burden for my son.
I want him to be strong, no question about it. I want my daughters to be strong as well. I hope all my children can confidently express their desires and needs. However, I also want them to be compassionate and able to navigate the rollercoaster of emotions that comes with family life.
Herein lies the dilemma: I want my son to know it’s okay to express his feelings and to cry. Yet, as their role model, I often feel I’m falling short in that department.
When my father passed away, I didn’t shed a single tear. I remained dry-eyed on my wedding day and during the births of all my children. In fact, since becoming a parent nine years ago, I’ve only cried once—when my middle daughter had to be rushed to the emergency room after burning her hand.
I often wonder if I’ve lost my ability to cry at crucial moments, and that’s something I need to work on. In the meantime, I’m focused on reassuring my son that crying is not only acceptable but healthy. I’ve noticed that he doesn’t cry as frequently anymore, which makes me worry that he might be starting to build those same emotional walls.
A few months ago, however, he did cry after a soccer game. Soccer has become his passion. He plays as a goalie, which he loves, but during a recent match, his team fell behind by two goals. With just twenty minutes left, his teammates began to lose hope. Despite his best efforts, which included blocking a barrage of shots, the other team managed to score four more goals.
After the final whistle, I stood with Tristan on the sidelines. His face was flushed, and I could see the tears threatening to spill. He was frustrated but also conflicted, wrestling with the notion that as a boy, he shouldn’t cry. I recognized this emotional turmoil; it’s the very struggle I’ve faced myself.
Unlike my father, I didn’t tell him to “toughen up” or “walk it off.” He needed support, just as I had when I was younger. So, I leaned down, enveloped him in a hug, and whispered, “Let it out, buddy. Don’t fight it. Just let it go. Trust me.”
I felt him nod against my shoulder, and then he let the tears flow.
In a world that often discourages emotional expression, I want to champion the idea that it’s okay to feel—whether you’re a man or a woman. For more insights on parenting and emotional well-being, you might find this article on pregnancy and home insemination helpful. If you’re interested in the emotional aspects of family planning, check out this resource as well. You can also read about understanding privacy and emotional support in this blog post.
Summary:
As a father grappling with the challenge of expressing emotions, I aspire for my son to embrace his feelings openly. While my upbringing taught me to build emotional walls, I strive to show him that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. It’s vital to communicate that it’s okay to cry and seek help, fostering a compassionate understanding of our emotions.