I stumbled upon it on social media, naturally. An old acquaintance, someone I hadn’t connected with in years, who had become quite the marathon runner and motivational speaker. So, I should have seen it coming. But it still felt like a jolt: He announced the arrival of their baby, exclaiming something like, “[Wife] totally nailed it!” alongside a picture of their local birthing center—the kind that promotes water births and eschews medications, IVs, and doctors. The next image showed the family—his wife looking flawless with full makeup, their baby dressed in adorable frills, and the caption “About an hour afterward!”
I felt a surge of unnameable frustration and typed, “Congrats! Can’t believe she had time for makeup and a dressed baby just an hour post-birth!”
“Actually, it was more like 90 minutes,” he shot back.
I know social media doesn’t reflect reality, and that perfectly staged photo with lace and lipstick certainly didn’t capture the whole truth. Sure, dress your baby in white lace an hour after giving birth, and glam yourself up, but the earthy part of me wonders if you’re missing out on precious bonding time. What really irked me was the term “nailed it,” especially in conjunction with a brag about having a natural birth. You don’t “nail” a natural birth. No way, no how.
You don’t nail a natural birth because that term comes directly from competitive language. You nail the competition. You nail your opponent. You don’t tackle birth, a natural process, as if it’s an opponent to be defeated. If you can conquer birth, then you imply that birth can also conquer you.
I’m sure my friend’s wife handled her natural childbirth beautifully. But what if she had asked for an epidural? What if she screamed or said she couldn’t go on and requested a hospital transfer? These are common experiences during natural childbirth—let’s face it: pushing a baby out is excruciating. If you “nail” natural childbirth, does that mean you didn’t experience any of those feelings?
Moreover, if you can “nail” natural childbirth, does it mean other forms of childbirth are somehow inferior? Let’s clarify: all childbirth is natural since it involves bringing a baby into the world, no matter how it happens. But let’s assume my friend meant traditional natural childbirth without medications. So, if you opt for medication, does that lessen your experience? If you require a C-section, does that mean you didn’t nail it? This creates a scenario where birth becomes a competition with winners and losers.
The only true “win” in childbirth is a healthy baby. And even if that doesn’t happen, you still deserve credit for the journey you undertook to create life. Everyone emerges victorious in that context.
The competitive language has no place in the delivery room. When one woman “nails” natural birth, it implies that another woman hasn’t. These experiences become adversarial.
Consider those whose newborns end up in the NICU. What about those induced due to gestational diabetes? Or a woman who birthed at home but screamed through every contraction? Did they “nail” it?
What about me? I was transferred from a birthing center, supposedly for pain. The midwife dismissed my husband’s concerns and said I could handle it. In truth, I was too ill and exhausted to continue. Upon arriving at the hospital, they discovered I was severely dehydrated from vomiting and required medical assistance. I received an epidural and managed to sleep for the first time in 48 hours. After three hours of pushing, I finally delivered a healthy, wailing baby boy who tore me in ways I won’t describe. It was a grueling three-day saga. It was horrific. It was astonishing.
Did I nail it?
I refuse to believe my labor was somehow less than a woman’s traditional natural birth. I refuse to accept that anyone was braver or more capable than I was.
We descend into the chaos of labor and emerge, soaked in sweat and trembling. When we turn childbirth into a competition, every mother loses. Let’s not bring the mommy wars into the delivery room.
The solution? Change our language. Say someone “rocked” their birth. Say she had a magical experience, or did a fantastic job, or worked hard and gave it her all. Celebrate the fact that she had a baby. No one gets a trophy for opting out of medications.
So, skip the “nailed it” rhetoric. You can only give your all to the process and let your body do its thing. This may include a C-section, and those mothers are no less deserving than those who deliver in a tub surrounded by flowers and soothing music. You don’t conquer birth; you experience it, each in her unique way, with none better than the other.
For more on this topic, check out this post for additional insights, or explore this excellent resource for more information on pregnancy and home insemination. And remember, if you’re considering at-home insemination, CryoBaby offers reliable kits to help you on your journey.
Summary
Childbirth should not be turned into a competition with terms like “nailed it” or “crushed it.” Every woman’s experience is unique, and the only victory is bringing a healthy baby into the world. Let’s change our language to celebrate each birth journey without comparison.