How Our LGBTQ Identity Shapes Our Parenting Journey

home insemination Kit

On October 11, while riding the subway home, I noticed some captivating posters for PFLAG (Parents, Families, Friends, and Allies of Toronto’s LGBTQ community) plastered on the walls. It was National Coming Out Day, and these posters struck a chord within me. One in particular echoed words I once shared with my own parents during a pivotal moment in my life.

I vividly recall the night I revealed my truth to my mom. My heart raced as I prepared for her reaction. What if she didn’t accept me? What if I lost her love? It was just the two of us at dinner, and I took a deep breath, my voice trembling, “Mom, I need to tell you something. Before anything happens to you or Dad, you should know who I really am. Mom, I’m gay.” As the tears streamed down my face, she embraced me tightly and reassured me, “You are my son, and I love you no matter what.”

In that moment, a heavy weight lifted off my shoulders. The darkness of the closet faded away, and I stepped into the light of authenticity. My parents, though supportive, faced their own struggles. They sought guidance to understand my experience and to navigate their feelings about it.

As a parent now, I can’t help but want the best for my son. The thought of a parent not supporting their child is unfathomable to me. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have accepting parents. I can’t imagine the pain of being disowned or abandoned by those who should love you unconditionally.

When our son, Max, was born, we cradled him in our arms and poured our hopes and dreams into a heartfelt letter, which we’d like to share:

Dear Max,

You are just days old, and already, you are surrounded by so much love! You were a dream for Jamie and me for what feels like forever, and now that you’re here, we can’t believe our luck. We want you to know that our love for you knows no bounds. We’ll always be here for you, cheering you on in whatever you choose to pursue in life.

We hope you grow up to be happy, courageous, and kind. Stand up for others and treat everyone with respect, including yourself. Embrace people for who they are, even if you don’t see eye to eye. Above all, just be yourself. No matter what path you take, remember that Daddy and Papa will always support you!

People often say Max is lucky to have two loving dads, but honestly, we’re the lucky ones. We’ve been blessed with an incredible little boy, and loving and supporting him feels entirely natural. Jamie and I were meant to be parents, and our life experiences will guide us in raising Max to be the person he’s meant to be.

I often ponder whether our LGBTQ identity makes us more empathetic. After all, we’ve spent much of our lives seeking acceptance. If Max were to come to us one day and say he’s gay, trans, or even straight (gasp!), we’d be wholeheartedly supportive. Sadly, many parents still struggle to accept their children as they are.

Fortunately, there are numerous support groups and online resources available. If you or someone you know is navigating these challenges, I highly recommend checking out PFLAG USA, Advocates for Youth, and Youthline.ca. Remember, everyone deserves to be loved and accepted for who they are. Love is love.

Summary:

In this reflective piece, Alex and Jamie share how their LGBTQ identity influences their parenting approach. They recount their coming-out experiences, emphasizing the importance of unconditional love and acceptance in family dynamics. Their heartfelt letter to their son, Max, encapsulates their hopes for him to grow up happy and authentic. They also highlight the need for supportive resources for those facing challenges in acceptance, reinforcing that love should always prevail.