In the realm of relationships, the phrase “through thick and thin” often pops up, but what does it really entail? A humorous quote by columnist Doug Larson making the rounds on social media states, “More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.” It’s a clever twist on the traditional wedding vows, yet this sentiment often gets lost on both newlyweds and seasoned couples alike.
As my partner, Jamie, and I gear up to celebrate our 12th anniversary, I won’t claim our marriage has been tumultuous. Rather, it has been a solid journey filled with lessons. However, after a dozen years, the reality is we’re still figuring out how to cohabitate. The tricky part is that we’re not the same people we were when we said, “I do.” Our aspirations have evolved, we now have kids in the mix, and we’ve gained wisdom along the way. I once thought the woman I married would remain unchanged for decades, but the truth is, she has transformed—and so have I. Navigating these changes is just part of the marriage game, and it can be quite the challenge.
Yes, we still have our disagreements, but thankfully, they’re not as frequent as in our early days. Back then, we fought about everything—money, work, laundry, and even the right way to hang the toilet paper. It might sound laughable now, but at the time, it felt like I was a hostage negotiator trying to communicate with Jamie through the bathroom door. I vividly remember going to bed furious over trivial matters, creating an abyss between us as we clung to the edges of our mattress, too stubborn to sleep elsewhere.
When our first child arrived nine years ago, our sleep deprivation turned into late-night arguments about who was responsible for the baby. At that time, Jamie was working full-time while I juggled classes and work. We were both doing our best, yet it was hard to see that the other was equally exhausted.
The toughest lesson for us was realizing that both partners can be doing everything right, yet still struggle. Parenting is chaotic, and sometimes, there simply isn’t a window for a well-deserved break.
Here’s the silver lining: with every battle and sleepless night, the “better” usually follows the “worse.” At least, that’s been our experience. Each challenge has forced us to communicate—sometimes rationally, other times not so much—until we discovered how to coexist more peacefully. The compromises may not have always left us both completely satisfied, but they were sufficient to keep us moving forward.
Ultimately, 90% of marriage is about collaboration. It involves resolving conflicts at night and waking up ready to address them anew. It means genuinely listening to one another, recognizing struggles, and being willing to adapt for the sake of the family.
Marriage is undeniably hard work. I would say it’s the most challenging endeavor I’ve undertaken, yet it’s also the most rewarding. When you navigate tough times with someone you love, take a moment to appreciate them. They’re right there in the trenches beside you, and that’s pretty incredible.
I’ve seen Jamie tackle motherhood with spit-up on her shirt and a tired gaze, all while managing to support our family so I could pursue my education. I’ve watched her juggle her own studies, often sacrificing sleep to make it happen.
On the flip side, Jamie has recognized my efforts too—from managing homework with our daughter to sharing the night shifts with our baby when she was unwell.
Throughout the years, we’ve adapted, learned what to say and what not to say, and discovered how to approach each other during tense moments. Now, twelve years in, the “better” moments seem to outnumber the “worse.” While challenges will still arise, I feel equipped to handle them alongside Jamie.
So, if you find yourself in a rough patch, remember that the better often arrives later. It requires effort, compromise, and a bit of admiration, but it does happen. Trust me.
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Summary
Navigating the ups and downs of marriage is a continuous journey that involves learning, compromise, and collaboration. Though challenges can feel overwhelming, the better often follows the worse, leading to a more fulfilling relationship over time.