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The Struggles of a Gift-Giving Novice
I truly lack the skill for giving gifts. This isn’t an attempt at modesty or a cover for laziness; I’m just not wired for it.
If you’ve heard of the 5 Love Languages, you’ll know that “gift giving” is one of them. After taking the assessment, I discovered that my primary love language is “acts of service,” followed closely by “words of affirmation.” Unsurprisingly, “gift giving” was at the bottom of my list—so low, I’m not even sure I received any points. I don’t care about receiving gifts, and I certainly don’t show love through them.
In essence, I have zero gift-giving instincts. When I’m invited to a birthday party, I rarely think about what to get the guest of honor until the last minute, often leading to a frantic scramble the day before or even on the morning of the event. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the person; I likely spend a lot of time reflecting on how grateful I am for them and how excited I am to celebrate their special day. But the gift part just doesn’t register.
This isn’t to say I’m not a kind or generous individual. I’m happy to babysit your kids for a few hours, pen a heartfelt letter or poem, and I love finding ways to make life easier for others. I’ll give you whatever you ask for, and I’m always ready to offer hospitality. I have a generous spirit, just not when it comes to gifts.
My close friends and family understand this about me, so it’s not a huge issue. Still, there are situations where gift-giving is expected, and I’m utterly lost. When etiquette calls for a hostess gift or holiday presents for co-workers, teachers, or even mail carriers, I’m clueless about who should be included. The holiday season is a minefield for those of us who struggle with gift-giving. Birthdays and anniversaries aren’t much better.
Fortunately, my partner shares my gift-giving struggles, so we’re in the same boat. Our approach to birthdays and anniversaries usually involves a conversation like, “Hey, remember that fancy blender we’ve been eyeing? Let’s just buy it and call it a gift for each other!” This arrangement works perfectly for us, and I can’t even recall the last time we exchanged a traditional wrapped gift. Honestly, we’re both content with it.
Part of my aversion to gift-giving likely stems from a desire for simplicity. I don’t want to gift someone something they don’t need or that will just clutter their space until they feel compelled to donate it. When I do give gifts, they tend to be things like flowers or candy—items that won’t last. But even those gifts stress me out; I think, “These flowers will wilt, and that candy just adds to someone’s self-control issues.”
See? I overthink it. If it’s truly the thought that counts, can’t I just think about the person and let them know I did, rather than feeling pressured to give a physical gift?
I know many of you out there are natural gift-givers and will find this hard to relate to. I have friends who are fantastic at choosing presents, and I admire their enthusiasm and thoughtfulness. I just hope that my affection, which is expressed more through actions and words than through gifts wrapped in pretty bows, is understood.
Happy gifting to all the wonderful gift-givers out there! And to my fellow gift-giving misfits, hang in there during the holiday hustle; you’re not alone in this struggle!
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Summary
The author humorously reflects on their gift-giving inadequacies, discussing their strengths in other areas of generosity while navigating the expectations surrounding gifts. They find camaraderie in their partner’s similar struggles and share sympathy for others like them during gift-giving seasons.