Just before my twins made their entrance into the world, I stumbled upon an article on social media discussing the relentless pressure on women to shed their baby weight at an unreasonable speed—thanks to those infuriating celebrities who seem to leave the hospital looking like they just stepped off a runway. Seriously? Forget that! I remember munching on handfuls of cheddar popcorn, thinking, “We shouldn’t feel obligated to fit back into our pre-baby clothes right after birthing tiny humans. We’re juggling sleep deprivation, messes of poop and spit-up, and somehow expected to look like our old selves immediately? That’s absurd! We should be celebrated for our strength and resilience, no matter our size.”
Deep down, I convinced myself I wouldn’t have to stress about it—everyone said I’d just bounce back. Piece of cake, right? Fast forward to now: my boys are 7 months old, and here I am, curled up in a corner, cradling my legs and whispering motivational quotes to myself, while eyeing a pair of jeans on the floor that are four sizes bigger than anything I’ve ever owned.
Spoiler alert: they didn’t fit and ended up flying across the room in a whirlwind of frustration.
In a moment of hope, I bought a pair of “real” jeans, believing that after a week of dieting and exercising, I’d be ready to retire my maternity wear. Nope. Not even close.
Now I’m trying to pull myself together, singing Lady Antebellum’s “Need You Now” to my old jeans, which I doubt I could even slide past my knees. Ah, the glory days of fewer dimples and putting on something other than leggings that I can hoist up to my bra to manage the extra bits. #sexyandiknowit
To add to the list of well-meaning but misleading advice, I also heard that breastfeeding would help me lose the baby weight “in no time.” I’ve been breastfeeding for 7 months now, so you’d think I’d be zipping up non-maternity jeans like a champ by now, right? Wrong.
According to my trusty Google search, breastfeeding burns 200 to 300 calories (or more) per feed, and since I’m feeding two, I can only assume my number’s higher. But wanna know what happens when you burn that many calories? You get hungry. And guess how much time I have to whip up healthy meals? None. Even if I did, carbs comfort my tired soul far better than egg whites ever could.
I understand my body has gone through an incredible and, let’s be real, traumatic experience, and it’s going to take time to adjust. But sometimes, it would be nice to feel like my old self for just a moment. My hair is shedding, my nails are weak, and I can’t muster the energy to apply makeup or even shave my legs anymore. I’m either attached to a breast pump or a little one, which makes it tough to adapt to so many changes. While I’ve adjusted to sleepless nights, adapting to a newer, larger body that still feels sore from surgery seven months ago is a whole different battle.
So why even bother attempting jeans, you ask? I was “inspired” by a story about a mom who ran a marathon while pushing her triplets and broke a world record. Seriously? People actually do that? If she can run a marathon with three kids in tow, surely I can fit into some real pants, right? Except I can’t. I’m just exhausted. But, to be fair, that’s probably because I’m in a food coma from indulging in Ben & Jerry’s The Tonight Dough and cheeseburgers.
Whatever. Real pants are overrated anyway.
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In summary, this journey of motherhood is filled with unexpected challenges, especially when it comes to body image and recovery. The pressures we face can feel overwhelming, but it’s essential to embrace our unique journeys and find comfort in the fact that we’re doing our best, one day at a time.